I've noticed something that many future missionaries have in common - they seem to start having struggles at some point in the mission-prep process. Things start to seem overwhelming. Maybe it's when you first start considering serving a mission, but it could be when you start making your preparations (like attending mission prep classes, start working to save up for your mission, or when you begin meeting with your Bishop to start your mission papers). Sometimes future missionaries don't have much of a struggle until later in the process - like, maybe after they have submitted their mission papers or after they have received their mission call.
What kind of struggles am I talking about? Well, sometimes it might seem like everything is going wrong. Maybe a new health concern pops up, you have trouble finding a job, or your family/friends aren't being supportive of your choice to serve a full-time mission. It could be any of those things (or a thousand other things) that could start to make you feel like maybe serving a mission isn't "meant to be" for you. Maybe your car breaks down on the way to your interview with the Stake President. Maybe you have 8 cavities that need to be filled before your dentist will sign your mission papers. Maybe you get laid off at work and don't know how you are going to save up money. All of those things can (and do) happen to future missionaries...
A family friend who recently received her mission call told me that even though she had a great desire to serve, she had really started to struggle with whether or not she should even serve a mission because there were multiple delays in her mission application and receiving her mission call. I talk about this more in my "Waiting for a Mission Call' blog post, but to sum up, she told me that she wondered many times whether all of the problems she was having were a sign that she shouldn't serve or "maybe they just don't want me?" This broke my heart, because (like many of us tend to do), she started to assume that the problem wasn't clerical error, a series of simple mistakes, or just a natural part of her mission preparation, but a reflection on her personal worth or ability to serve.
Although it's been a very long time since I submitted my own mission papers, I clearly remember that it felt like almost everything went wrong in that process from start to finish and I frequently wondered if I would ever be able to get my mission call. My daughter Kendall will be turning 19 in a few months and I can tell you that she has had every thing go "wrong" and she has been completely discouraged and overwhelmed more times than I can count.
Recently when she was struggling with feelings of inadequacy and despair (mostly in wondering how she was going to be physically and financially prepared in time to put in her mission papers at her planned time), she told me that she keeps thinking things like, "You're never going to make it so you should just give up" and "This is too hard, it's impossible, you will never be good enough." I said, "Kendall, do you think that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ would say things like that to you? Would they discourage you and put you down like that?" "No," she replied. "Well then," I asked, "who would try to discourage you and put you down? Who would try to keep you from serving a mission? Who would stand to gain from you NOT going on a mission?"
She thought about it for a few seconds, and replied, "Satan?" Yes, Satan, or the "Father of Lies" as he is also known... I've thought about this many times over the years, and whenever I'm down on myself or I feel like I'm not good enough, I try to remind myself of this fact...
"Our Savior, Jesus Christ, always builds us up and never tears us down." In this quote from the talk "The Atonement and Faith" (April 2008), Dallin H. Oaks uses the words "always" and "never," which are actually very strong words. Christ always builds us up and never tears us down. He isn't a bully who tries to make us feel bad about ourselves. He is the hero who tries to lift us up. He doesn't try to make us feel unworthy, He tries to help us become worthy. He doesn't try to make us feel like we aren't good enough, He loves us as we are and helps us to become better.
I've also noticed that there is often a trial or test, a struggle of some sort, before we move on to the next phase of our life. Would a mission be as meaningful if we didn't have to work, study, prepare ourselves, and save money to go? If we do those things, a mission is often more personally meaningful because we have worked hard to overcome obstacles. I had a friend whose parents bought her a new car when she was 16 and it was trashed within a few months because she was careless with it. I have another friend who worked hard to buy his own first vehicle (used) and it was immaculately cared for. Often the hard work and sacrifice that we put into something helps us appreciate it more than we might have if it were handed to us without lifting a finger. Jeffrey R. Holland said, "I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience" (Missionary Work and the Atonement" (March 2001). I've often wondered if the pre-mission struggles that many people experience are a purposeful part of the preparation process.
So if you are doubting yourself and whether you should serve a mission, think about the negative and where it might be coming from. If you feel worthless or that you can never make it, who is telling you those things that make you feel inadeqaute? (Because according to Dallin H Oaks, Jesus Christ doesn't ever tear us down, so it's not Jesus Christ!). And if you're experiencing struggles and trials as you try to prepare, it's pretty hard to see that as a positive thing, but try to think of it as a refining fire that will help make you a better missionary.
Today I'm going to talk about 3 common misconceptions (or outright lies) that might keep you from serving a full-time mission. Here are some of the most common LIES (and I will call them BIG FAT LIES because they are pretty huge) that future missionaries sometimes let themselves believe when they are preparing to serve:
LIE #1- You've made too many mistakes to be "worthy" to serve a mission
First off, if you have even the slightest concern about something you have done in your past (or something that you are currently struggling with), you need to meet with your Bishop right away. I mean that in the most positive way possible. Meeting with the Bishop is probably the last thing you want to do. You may feel like you'd rather walk on hot coals or sit on a cactus than have to talk to your Bishop about (whatever it is). It might be the LAST thing that you want to do, but it should be the FIRST thing that you do. Like, call/text to make the appointment RIGHT NOW! I say that because you will feel SO much better afterward. Your Bishop is waiting to help you, but he can't help you unless you speak up. This is better done sooner than later, because (depending on the severity of the issue) there are sometimes steps that need to be taken in order to overcome the sin. And this can sometimes take time, so you don't want to wait until you are trying to submit your mission papers to bring up issues you're having with keeping the commandments. Better late than never, but better to do SOONER. You will feel better afterward. And your Bishop won't think less of you. He will probably think more of you for having the guts to talk to him. I know of several youth who have shared with me that they finally got up the nerve to talk to their Bishop about issues with law of chastity, and afterward they have all said, "I wish I would have done that sooner!" (PS- You don't have to talk to Bishop about every little thing you've ever done wrong in your whole life, like that time you threw a rock at a car when you were 5). So, how do you know if an issue is something that you should talk to your Bishop about? In my experience, if it is something that you feel like you can't fully overcome just through personal repentance/prayer and/or you can't stop feeling guilty or worrying about it, you probably need to talk to the Bishop for additional help. For many youth this involves more serious issues like keeping the Word of Wisdom or pornography and other law of chastity concerns. If you still aren't sure, you can always ask him if (whatever your concern is) is something you need to talk to him about). Missionaries are not perfect. Some have made more mistakes than others in their past, but they have overcome those mistakes through the repentance process and so can you. It's not too late, and your Bishop can (and wants to!) help you.
LIE #2- You don't know enough about the gospel to serve a mission
You guys know that I'm a convert and I served a mission not very long after my baptism. New converts serve missions all the time. People who were inactive during high school serve missions. It doesn't matter if you never set foot in church until 6 months ago, or if you slept through 4 years of seminary... what is most important is a personal testimony and a desire to serve. See my post "2 Things to Consider before you Decide to Serve a Full-time Mission" which talks about the importance of personal testimony. If I had to choose a missionary to teach my friends and neighbors, I'd rather have someone who barely knows anything about the scriptures but has a strong personal testimony of the gospel than someone who has all 4 standard works memorized and doesn't have a testimony at all. Think about it! Missionaries are not called because they know every little thing about the gospel so they can teach everything, they are called to teach people the basics - MOST IMPORTANTLY, how to get the answers for themselves. That is essential if a convert is going to stay active after the missionary is transferred or goes home. It doesn't matter how much you know if your investigator has to rely on you for all the answers. Someday you will leave and they will be on their own. Knowing everything isn't important. Knowing how to get the answers is important. If you have desires to serve God, you can do it. Don't let the lie that you don't know enough to serve keep you back.
LIE #3- It's too hard to prepare, so you should just give up on your plans to serve a mission
Ah yes, another classic lie - it's just too hard! I'll never lose those last 10 pounds that I need to qualify. I'll never save enough money. I'll never know enough. I'll never overcome my problem with ______. There is that word NEVER again! It's a lie. You CAN do it. You CAN make it. It might be really hard and you might need to reach out for help, but you can do it. If you want to serve a mission and everything seems to be going wrong, don't take that as a cue to give up - take that as a cue to turn to the Lord, turn to the scriptures, turn to your Heavenly Father in prayer, turn to your priesthood leaders, turn to your support system (family or friends who are supportive of your desire to serve). Life is hard, whether you decide to serve a mission or not, so if serving a mission is something that you want to do, then GO FOR IT and don't give in to lies that tell you that you can't!
