2 REALLY Important Things to START DOING right NOW if you want to SURVIVE EATING when you're an LDS MISSIONARY

You've probably heard that the food at the MTC is plentiful. You can choose from a wide variety of types of foods and desserts - it's a crazy buffet of food. A lot of missionaries have been college students (i.e. eating Top Ramen for weeks on end) or have had their mom making most of their meals for them, so the food situation at the MTC change be an awesome situation with so many great choices! You don't have to do any cooking, and if you don't like something that they are serving, you just choose something else! Many missionaries tend to gain weight from eating all of that great food  (combined with all of the sitting in class). When you arrive in your actual mission, you will have a totally different experience...

Once they get to their actual mission (after the MTC), some missionaries will be eating foods that are totally unfamiliar to them. Other missionaries will be eating the same types of foods they had back at home (trust me, you will still likely need to eat things you don't like at some point, no matter where you serve). Depending on the mission (and different areas within the same mission) you may need to cook a lot of your meals by yourself, or you may cook very little.

No matter where you serve your mission or what the food is like, here are two tips that are actually really going to help you PREPARE when it comes to dealing with food as an LDS missionary "in the field" (in your mission):

1. PRACTICE EATING THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE

Before I left for my mission, my branch president advised me to "get used to doing things you don't want to do" and that was great advice, because it came up...a LOT. Some of it was food-related. Although I served my mission within the United States, I still encountered a lot of dinner appointment situations that were....awkward.

For example, at one particular dinner appointment, we were greeted by the family who excitedly told us that they were making us homemade pizza. They showed us the many pizzas lined up on the counter (some already cooked, some uncooked). While we were admiring their creations, we couldn't help but notice that there were 3 (or maybe more!) long-haired cats walking on the counters. We watched as the cats walked around and around (and sometimes across) the pizzas. If you were in a restaurant and you were served pizza with a single hair on it, you would probably send it back. But as we were invited guests (and ALL of the pizzas were covered in cat hair) and we didn't want to offend, we had no choice but to eat the pizza, cat hair and all. Don't get me wrong, we were very grateful to be invited and thankful for the meal. And I did pick off a few hairs when they went out of the room... But experiences like this are not unusual. I ate many things that I didn't like and many things that I didn't want to eat because it was gross or a little scary. I don't mean to scare you...you don't have to eat something if you are truly worried about safety, but it is considered rude to refuse food that is served to you, so be careful because you may offend.

I don't like cooked carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, etc - I don't like any cooked orange vegetable. At all. At home, I just wouldn't buy/cook/eat them. Even if they were served to me at my parent's house or a restaurant, I just left them on the plate. During my mission, I ate them. A LOT of them. They weren't prepared badly or anything, I just don't care for them, so rather than be rude, I just learned to eat them. At first I had to really try to eat them with without making a face, but after a while, I learned to eat them with a smile.

*I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT YOU SHOULD EAT THINGS THAT YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO OR REALLY SHOULDN'T EAT FOR ANY OTHER REASON. PLEASE ALWAYS FOLLOW SOUND MEDICAL ADVICE. IF YOU LEGITIMATELY HAVE A CONCERN WITH CERTAIN TYPES OF FOODS, BE SURE TO INCLUDE THIS IN YOUR MISSION PAPERWORK, SEEK YOUR MISSION PRESIDENT'S COUNSEL, AND MAKE SURE THAT YOUR WARD MEMBERS KNOW YOUR LEGITIMATE LIMITATIONS AHEAD OF TIME (NO ONE LIKES A SURPRISE WHEN MISSIONARIES SHOW UP FOR DINNER WITH A FOOD ALLERGY WITHOUT TELLING THE FAMILY AHEAD OF TIME). IF YOU SIMPLY DON'T LIKE CARROTS, THAT IS A DIFFERENT THING. JUST EAT THE CARROTS. 

When I have missionaries over for dinner, I try to serve family-style (meaning that you serve yourself at the table), so that they don't have to take something if they don't like it. I tell them so, too - every time. So if they don't like salad, they don't have to take salad. In my mission, we were almost always given a plate of food that was already dished up (with everything already on it). People tend to give missionaries huge portions (even Sisters), so the sooner you get used to eating what you don't like, the better. This is something that you can practice before your mission.

Find a food that you just don't really like that much (guacamole, olives, peanut butter, whatever it is) and practice eating some of it, imaging that you are eating it in front of someone who is serving it to you as a missionary. Try this in front of a mirror, so you can see how well you are doing at keeping your face looking as positive as possible. You don't need to eat things you don't like all the time, but practicing occasionally will help you if you're worried about this happening during your mission.

2. PRACTICE COOKING SOME BASICS THAT WILL BE AVAILABLE IN YOUR MISSION

There are over 400 different LDS Missions, so its impossible to predict what you will need to know to cook for yourself in your mission until you get your mission call. Until then, practice some basics (see suggestions below). If you get too stuck on learning how to cook a certain style (say, how to cook Japanese foods because you secretly want to serve in Japan), you may wish later that you had taken a little time to learn to cook dried beans :) Learning anything isn't bad, but maybe stick to the basics until you know for sure where & what you will be cooking. Some ingredients (and cooking methods) that you are used to are not available in every country.

Once you get your mission call, you can start talking to RM's who served there (or current missionaries or their family if you know any). When you start telling people where you are serving, you'll probably hear "Oh, I know someone who served/is serving there!," so you'll likely be able to get some good info on what the typical food situation is. For example, if your diet will mainly be vegetables and rice, you can learn now how to cook rice and the same types of vegetables at home. If you find out that the apartments don't have microwaves and just have single burner stoves, you can practice cooking with just one burner. When you arrive in your mission, your first companion will have some experience already, so they can help, but anything you can do to prepare ahead is a good idea.

If you know you will be serving in a place that is in the US or is more modern, you will probably have a regular stovetop/oven and a microwave, and knowing that, you can probably start to think about what simple kinds of things you can make as a missionary with ingredients that will be easily available. Recipes with less ingredients are usually best (if you have to buy 5 kinds of spices, thats a lot of money for a missionary to spend).

If you haven't received your mission call, but want to be better prepared to cook for yourself as a missionary, you can learn some very basic basics (like rice on the stovetop, baked potatoes, etc) and they may help you cook in your future mission. It's great if you know how to cook Chicken Cordon Bleu, but if you don't have access to dairy, chicken, ham, or an oven in your mission, that won't help you much as a missionary!

I hope you've found these tips for preparing to survive mission food helpful. Please check out our other posts about preparing for your mission! 

Helping your Future Missionary with Emotional Preparations - a Guide for Parents

When you picture a youth or young adult preparing to serve a full-time mission, you probably think about Mission Prep Classes or buying suits (or skirts). Those sorts of things are definitely elements of preparing for a mission, but they aren't everything. In recent years, we've been hearing more about helping future missionaries prepare emotionally for full-time missions. Sometimes "preparing emotionally" is thought to mean that a future missionary should get any existing mental health issues under control before they leave for their mission. That is important, but there is so much more to emotionally preparing for a mission.

Being a full-time missionary is very hard work and most of the stress is more emotional than physical. If that seems strange, think about how something like preparing to take the SATs or planning a wedding can be very stressful... neither of those things are usually physically strenuous, but they can be draining on you (emotionally/mentally) because of all of the stress and mental "work" involved.

Elder L. Tom Perry said, “Missionary service is emotionally demanding. Your support system is going to be withdrawn from you as you leave home and go out into the world. … There will be days of rejection and disappointment. Learn now about your emotional limits, and learn how to control your emotions under the circumstances you will face as a missionary”

The Missionary section of lds.org explains some of the aspects of preparation for a full-time LDS mission, including physical and emotional preparation. See our blog post here for more information about physical (health) preparations for a mission: "Getting Fit for Your Mission" 

Some of things that are listed for emotional preparation on lds.org are included in this talk "Preparing Emotionally for Missionary Service" by Robert K. Wagstaff and I have also addressed some of these issues in my blog posts, "5 Habits to Help you Be a Happy Missionary" and "LDS Mission Prep Bucket List" There are many things that future missionaries can do to become emotionally mature and better mentally prepared to serve as a missionary.

Today I'm going to talk about something that we have done in our home to help our future missionary be better prepared (emotionally) for her mission. While we usually equate chores and other responsibilities with self-reliance (which is also important), these things also have an element of developing emotional maturity. When you learn to take responsibility for yourself - your appearance, your living space, your eating habits, you assignments, your time management - you are becoming more emotionally mature.

One of my favorite all-time articles in the Ensign has been "That They May Grow Up In Thee" by By Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D., and Christine Packard, M.C., L.P.C. in which they explain the "Markers of Adulthood" (in other words, the things that signify you are a grown-up!). If you are a parent (or a youth or young-adult yourself) you should read this article! But for now, to sum up, here are the "markers" that they list:

1. Acquiring an adult sense of mission (referring to personal purpose, not necessarily a full-time church mission)

2. Establishing personal goals and routines (managing your time, learning to balance work and play, setting goals, organizing yourself)

3. Managing physical self-care (make your own doctor appointments, get a haircut without help, shower without being reminded, etc)

4. Increasing financial independence (responsibility for finances, budgeting, saving, working part-time or full-time, etc)  

5. Creating a home (even if it is an apartment with roommates, taking part in household duties)

6. Shifting sense of family (family can be more than immediate relatives, developing relationships with ward members, roommates, neighbors, distant relatives)

7. Learning skills of emotional connection (meeting new people and making friends, learning to resolve conflict with friends, roommates, co-workers, etc)

8. Building community (volunteering, etc)

9. Supporting the next generation (looking out for younger siblings and friends, mentoring, etc)

10. Growing in spiritual responsibility (going to church because you want to, reading scriptures and prayer on your own)

11. Building the kingdom (participating in the work of the Lord by serving in callings, ministering, missionary work, etc)

All of these things are really important parts of becoming an adult, and I think that each one of these aspects of adulthood is valuable in preparing to serve a full-time mission. 

If I may share something personal for a moment... A while back, I felt a prompting that I needed to start letting go and stop trying to do everything for my oldest daughter (who will be submitting her mission papers in a few months). Now, I'm not the kind of mother who is into that sort of thing, so I was kind of surprised...I mean, I don't do everything for her! Right...?

I remember the look on a friends face several years ago when I'd mentioned that our oldest daughter doesn't do any chores. I tried to explain the situation, which justified my decision to let her get out of helping around the house. All of our younger children have a lot of household responsibilities (as did Kendall up to a certain point) so this wasn't really something we had planned to do. However, Kendall had started college early at age 14, so she was pretty overwhelmed with college-level homework (and taking classes with adults) on top of the other normal teenage stuff like seminary, extracurriculars, SATs, drivers ed, her church callings, etc. At that time, she was so stressed that we were worried that she would have a nervous breakdown. We decided to take over her chores (everything except for cleaning her own room) so that she wouldn't have to worry about laundry, dishes, etc on top of everything else. They weren't getting done, anyhow! I felt like it was appropriate at the time. Besides, I was tired of trying to track down clothes for her when she hadn't had time to do her laundry all week.

In addition to taking away her responsibility for chores, I also tried to think of anything I could do to make life easier for her. For example, she would often misplace her keys when she came in and collapsed on the couch at night, so I would look for them after she got home and put them on the hook for her so she would know where they were in the morning. In addition to making life easier for her, I was also making life easier for myself (because guess who was spending 20 minutes helping her find her keys every morning?)

Really, like many youth, when she was still in seminary she would leave the house at 6am and wouldn't get home until 10pm most nights. After she "graduated" from seminary and the youth program, it wasn't much better. In fact, she was still leaving the house at 7am to commute to campus and with work, an internship, and YSA activities, she often wouldn't be home until 9pm or 10pm every night of the week. It made sense for me to help her... I would set out a couple of outfits for her to choose from, pack lunch/dinner for the day, make sure the vehicle she drove had gas, make sure that she had her wallet (and that her drivers license, etc were actually inside), etc. And I would wake her up every morning to make sure she was on time (for seminary, for school, for work, for church). If she didn't wake up the first time, I would go back and try again. Sometimes many times.

It wasn't exactly fun for me, but what else could I do? If I didn't wake her up, she would sleep through her alarm and miss her carpool, or be late for class! (or work or church!). If I didn't do her laundry, she wouldn't have anything clean to wear. If I didn't prepare lunch/dinner for her to take, she would go to McDonalds or just not eat anything. And don't even get me started on exercising. If I didn't remind and hound her about exercising, she wouldn't do it. And since she would need to get into better shape for her mission, she needed my help....right? I mean, I knew that not exercising and going to McDonalds 3x a day (because she hadn't planned ahead) was not doing her health any favors... if I didn't make her do it, how was she going to be ready for a mission?

Well, being prompted to back off was a real eye-opener. I realized that while it may have been appropriate to give her extra help at one point, she was going to need to learn to be responsible and accountable for her own choices. Even if they were stupid choices. That was hard for me to accept, but I did it.

I started with something simple - I told her that I wouldn't be waking her up in the morning anymore. We talked about her alarm-clock issues (she would set an alarm on her iPad which was within arms reach when she was sleeping, so she would turn it off and immediately go back to sleep without truly waking up). I suggested that she move her iPad away from her bed and also have several alarms (on her phone, on an actual alarm clock) set a few minutes apart, also ACROSS the room, so she would actually need to get up. I gave that suggestion, but I left it at that. She would have to set the alarms (if she chose to) and would have to get herself up in the morning from then on.

The first morning, she overslept. After 30 minutes, I went into her room and said, "Kendall, shouldn't you be getting up?" and she ran around like a maniac to make it to class on time. I told her that was her one freebie. The second morning, she overslept. I didn't go in her room. Eventually she got up - late, of course. Then it finally clicked- "wait a minute - nobody is going to wake me up and it's embarrassing to walk into class 10 minutes late, so I am going to have to get it together." From then on, she's gotten herself up every day. On her own. There were times that it drove me crazy - knowing that she was supposed to leave at 7:00am and it was now 6:30am...6:32am...etc and I'm thinking - man, she really needs to get up!, but I don't say anything to her. She may have had to run a few times to get there on time, but she gets up and gets ready on her own. It wasn't easy for me to make this change. But I did it, so if begging your 17 year old to wake up is the scene at your house most mornings, you can do it, too.

I soon explained to my daughter that she would now be responsible for herself in every other area as well. Now, maybe you are thinking that I was being ridiculous by doing so much for my daughter in the first place. Maybe you would never dream of going to fill up your son/daughter's vehicle at 11:00pm because they forgot to get gas, or even think of waking them up 5 times in a row (even if it did seem appropriate at the time). But there are probably some things that you are doing that could be enabling your son/daughter from being fully responsible for themselves. I'll leave it to you to figure out what those things might be (and if you ask, I'm sure Heavenly Father will help you).

Consequences are an important element here. A youth or young adult needs to learn that their decisions and actions have consequences. Most choices have their own obvious natural consequences (if you don't show up for work, you will eventually be fired; if you miss too much seminary you won't pass/graduate; if you don't brush and floss you will have poor dental health, etc). As mature adults we know that (and some youth and young adults know these things as well...but some don't realize or don't care). If your 16 year old simply doesn't care if they miss seminary because they don't care about passing/graduating, you may need to step in with a consequence (such as, if you don't attend seminary every day during the week, you can't use the car on Saturday). That's just an example, of course- use your own discretion and judgement based on your situation and what your child needs.

The missionary section of lds.org says (directed to parents), "You know your child best. Counsel with the Lord and with your local priesthood leaders to know how to help your child prepare spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially for missionary service. Encourage your child to maintain daily habits of prayer and scripture study. Help your child strengthen his or her understanding and testimony of the gospel"

These days our daughter prepares her own meals, finds her own keys, does chores, gets herself to the gym, and wakes herself up. She's not lazy, but hey - if somebody was going to do everything for me, I would be tempted to let them, too! It's like having your own personal assistant, housekeeper, and personal chef! I had to be the one to say, no, I am stepping back now and you are doing these things from now on. This is going to help her to be more prepared for her mission, but it also will give her the confidence that she doesn't need mom to do everything for her. Because she doesn't.

Of course this doesn't mean that I am not there for her when she needs help. One evening she said, "I need to be at school early for a test and I can't sleep because I'm worried that my alarms won't go off. Can you make sure that I am up by 6:15am this one time?" and of course I did. I also make sure that there are healthy food options in the house for when she packs her lunch/dinner. I am available to go to the gym with her whenever she is able to go. I am trying to be a more supportive mom to a young adult, and less of a do-everything-for-you mom of a youth.

Cartoon from JimBenton.com

Best of luck to you!

Invite your local missionaries to dinner NOW to PREPARE for your Latter-day Saint mission LATER - a guide for future LDS missionaries and their parents

Our daughter Kendall attends a local YSA branch and last Sunday she noticed that the missionary
dinner calendar was looking a little sparse, so she signed up to feed the missionaries in our home.
Since this was her idea, she insisted that she wanted to do the chores and plan, purchase, and prepare (and clean up after) the whole meal (which was fine with me!)

She found out the day before that she would have to work (unexpectedly) the day of the dinner appointment, so she went shopping for everything she needed the night before. The day of the dinner, I made sure that the house was presentable while she was at work (because I know the missionaries probably wouldn't be offended by Spider-Man toddler underwear hanging from the ceiling fan, but I would be mortified!). When she got home, she prepared the meal.

All day, I kept thinking about all the little things that needed to be done and issues that needed to be addressed (just the usual things when you have dinner guests, like making sure that there are clean towels in the guest bathroom and making sure that we have enough chairs for everyone). We've had the missionaries over for dinner many times, so it's not a big deal to me and I could have taken care of all of these details myself, but then I thought to myself - Self, if you let Kendall take care of these details herself, she will gain a better appreciation for what is involved in providing a meal for the missionaries...

So instead of doing everything for her, I pointed out some issues that she might want to address. Such as, we had loaned a chair to the Relief Society for an activity and our folding chairs were still at Grandma's house from Christmas, so we were already short on chairs (plus Kendall had invited a friend to dinner as well, so I knew we were now 3 chairs short), so she should think about if we have enough chairs and what she could do if there weren't enough. Kendall arranged to pick up the extra chairs from a nearby relative and it was no problem, but she likely wouldn't have thought of it ahead of time if I hadn't mentioned it).

When she went to set the table, she had to decide between our regular dishes and paper plates. She decided that paper wasn't "nice" enough (which made me laugh, because I often use paper plates when we have the missionaries over). She decided to go with a third option - a fancy set of dishes that had recently been passed down to me. I pointed out that she would probably need to wipe them down and wash them because they might be dusty.

There were a lot of other little things that came up (like who to seat next to who, whether to use napkins or paper towels, whether to pour the water or have it in a pitcher - or both, what kind of utensils to use to serve, how small to cut the tomatoes, whether to use separate dishes for dessert (yes), etc. Nothing major, just the kind of things you think about when you're having dinner guests in a little bit more than casual setting.

I think that this experience has given Kendall a better understanding of what is involved in providing a meal for the full-time missionaries. In our family, we put a lot more effort into dinner when the missionaries are coming (because we are otherwise VERY casual), so it does take some time and thought, as well as effort.

Kendall with the salads she made 

I think this is valuable information for a future missionary to understand. As a full-time LDS missionary, you will probably (hopefully!) go to the homes of church members for dinner many times. While polite manners are always appropriate, having an appreciation for the work and care that goes into providing a meal to the missionaries can help you have a better attitude of gratitude. Most people that I know try very hard to serve something nice or special, and it is given with love. For some people, they will scrimp and save to provide a nicer meal for the missionaries than they would normally serve their own family. With that in mind, you can gain a better appreciation of the sacrifice and effort of the families who are serving you dinner - whether poor or wealthy. No matter what the financial situation of the family, they are making an effort to help and serve you.

So if you are a future missionary or you are a parent of a future missionary, consider inviting your local full-time missionaries over for dinner as part of your missionary preparations. Of course it will be great just to be around the missionaries, but if you are a future missionary who can do so, consider planning, purchasing, prepping, preparing, and cleaning up after a dinner appointment yourself so that you get a better appreciate of the time and effort involved. Even if a future missionary isn't comfortable with being responsible for the whole thing, they can be involved in some aspect of planning and meal preparation to help them get a better appreciation for what is involved in serving guests.

Missionaries have some rules about who they can appropriately visit a home with (even for a dinner appointment). This is for their safety and also so that there is no misunderstanding with the neighbors or the people they are visiting (who might misconstrue 2 Elders visiting 2 single women as a double date, for example). Check with your ward mission leader or the full-time missionaries to find out what is appropriate. They can often suggest ways to make the group dynamic appropriate for their standards (such as if you are a single woman, you could invite some friends from your singles branch over for dinner so that the number of non-missionaries outnumbers the missionaries)

Kendall and some of her siblings, a friend, and the full-time missionaries (not pictured:
John & I, and other siblings)

Best of luck to you!

5 habits to help you be a HAPPY MISSIONARY

I try to tell it like it is, and I'm being totally honest about this, friends - being a missionary isn't always "smiles times"...being rejected constantly, seeing the gospel rejected constantly, being hated, having people want to argue with you, being screamed at, the heartache of people letting you down, working at full speed all day every day, seeing the situations and the poverty that people live in (even in the United States), it can be all be tough on even the strongest person. 

As a missionary, I felt really, really down sometimes. Different missionaries experience different trials, even if they are serving in the exact same mission - because you will have different companions and be in different areas. Some areas that I was in were rougher than others. It was discouraging for me, personally, because I knew that people needed the message of the restored gospel, but I often felt like there wasn't anyone who would listen. We frequently went weeks without actually teaching anyone (and when we did we rarely got past the 1st lesson), but we still worked all day long (often in the worst weather I've ever experienced). It was tough. Somewhat tough physically, but mostly emotionally. 

Knowing all of that, do I recommend serving a mission? Absolutely, I do. Only you can decide for yourself if you are willing to serve. If you are not sure if the Lord wants you to serve, then you should definitely pray about it. 

If you decide to serve, know that it will be hard work and it will be a challenge emotionally. But missionaries aren't meant to be miserable...nobody is. We are here to experience many things, but one of those things is happiness. Men are that they might have JOY! 

Discouragement is natural for missionaries, just like any other person. Prayer, hard work, obedience, and making sure that you have the Spirit with you are all key to a happy mission, of course. But there are some other things that you can do to help make life HAPPIER as a missionary and today I'm going to share some of the things that I did to help keep my spirits up during the tough times. I have recommended all of these things to my future missionary daughter! 

#1- HAPPY BOOK

Before I left for my mission, a roommate's sister (who had recently returned from serving a mission) told me about something that she did during her mission...she and her companions each had a "happy book." She showed me hers. It was a small journal. It was filled with long lists of phrases and inside jokes, listed in order by area/companion. She explained that starting with her first companion, she would write down funny things that happened and jokes that they had together (separate pages for each companionship). "You'll need one of these," she said. 

Before I left for the MTC, I converted an address book (that I didn't need) into a "happy book" by simply re-covering it. You could use any journal or small book for this, I was just using what I had available. Starting with my MTC companion, I began at the top of the first page with her name and the date that we started serving together (at the MTC). I didn't pre-mark the other pages in the book, because I knew I might need more pages for some companionships than others. When something funny would happen or we'd have an inside joke, I'd write it down. Just a phrase to help me remember later, like, "that time the roof exploded" or "the spaghetti incident". Nothing mean-spirited, of course. Whenever something funny would happen (like someone saying something crazy to us on the street or my skirt falling off while walking down the street), I would write it down. Then while I wrote, I'd also see all of the previous things I'd written down and crack up. It always cheered me up. This would really help to lighten things up at the end of a stressful day. Sometimes companions would read my previous entries and ask, "what does this one mean?" and I'd have fun telling them the story. I did this through my entire mission and I still have my happy book. Occasionally, I'll come across it and flip through. After all these years, I can't remember what every funny situation or joke was anymore, but I can still remember most of them. Every time I look at it, I still laugh so much that I cry. 

Since I've returned from my mission I've heard of other missionaries doing something similar (may be called different things, but the idea is the same). You might write about funny things that happened in letters home, but trust me, it really helps to have them all in one place that you can refer to at any time. And keeping them separated by companion helps you remember which joke you had with which companion and in which area (it will all start to blur together after a while). So get (or make) a happy book - like I was told, "You'll need one of these!" 

#2- HAPPY CALENDAR

I'm not sure where I first saw this or started doing this, but I can definitely remember using a happy calendar in an area where my companions and I were having a particularly rough time. This is different than the Happy Book discussed in #1. All of our apartments had a monthly wall calendar (like the kind banks and other businesses give away for free) that showed the whole month at a time. We decided that at the end of every day,  before we went to sleep, we would write at least one positive thing that happened that day on the calendar. It couldn't be something generic (like "we are alive" or "we had a good day"), it had to be something specific that had happened or something we had accomplished that day. If we couldn't think of anything positive that had happened (and there were days like that), we could at least write down something funny that happened. There were days and weeks when it felt like nothing was going right, but we could look at the calendar and remember that last Friday a returning member we'd invited had come to the ward activity. Or that 2 Wednesdays ago a ward member brought us some groceries. Or that on Tuesday someone accepted a Book of Mormon. So we could see that even when things seemed hard, in reality everything wasn't always gloom.

#3- PLAN FUN THINGS TO DO ON P-DAY

Planning ahead for something fun to do on p-day can really help to keep your spirits up because it gives you something positive to look forward to. If you have a baptism to look forward to, that would be ideal, but that isn't always possible. We would always look forward to district meetings and zone conferences (especially because we could see the other missionaries, since we were often in rural areas), of course. Another thing you can do is plan something fun for p-day - either with other missionaries, with members, or just you and your companion. Sometimes members will offer to take you sightseeing or on a hike, etc. Usually if we were in a rural area (i.e., not close enough to other missionaries to get together) we would plan something local, like going to a museum, visiting the state line, or taking pictures with a silly statue (they have a lot of those "Worlds Largest" statues in Minnesota). Just knowing that you have something to look forward to that is outside of your regular routine can give you a mood boost. Doing the same thing every day can start to wear on you, so doing something fun and different (even if it is low-key and cheap or free) will help keep you going. 

Me and a giant cow

#4- PLAN FUN CHALLENGES WITH YOUR COMPANION

My husband says that he and some of his mission companions would play games where one missionary would pick a word (like "hippopotamus") and then the other one would need to try to use that word in a conversation with the next person they talked to (when tracting or talking to people on the street). I probably wouldn't recommend this particular game, because I feel like it might be distracting from the Spirit when you are trying to teach someone. That's just my opinion. But there are plenty of things you can do to make things fun with your companion without distracting from your purpose. 

In my mission experience, most of our fun challenges involved food. My first companion and I lived in an apartment near a small diner called the "Victory Cafe." This was one of only a few small restaurants in the town. We decided that we would wait to eat there until after the branch had it's first (ever) baptism, because that would be a huge "victory." Every day, we'd walk by the Victory Cafe and look forward to that day. Eventually there was a convert baptism and we finally got to eat lunch at that diner. We took pictures of each other in front of the Victory Cafe that day...

Here I am, celebrating the "victory" on p-day at the Victory Cafe

Another thing I remember doing was promising ourselves a treat for getting through the day...like, if we had no appointments planned and were facing a whole day of tracting (going door to door) in freezing cold weather, we might say, "ok, after we do this, we're going to make hot cocoa when we get home tonight." Or we might say, "If we work really hard all week and keep a positive attitude, we're going to get ice cream cones on P-day." These sorts of things might seem silly, but they worked surprisingly well to keep us in a positive mindset.

It's good if you can motivate yourself to work hard, but it doesn't always have to be about missionary work. In one area I was having a particularly rough time and I don't remember what was happening at the time, but I remember that I was really down and we'd driven to a nearby town to tract. It was so cold and I was wearing my ridiculous full-length down coat and snow boots. We got out to start our tracting and I just felt so discouraged. We were parked near a mini-mart next to a large field that had several feet of snow on it. My companion dared me to run across the field and said that if I did it, she'd buy me a hostess fruit pie at the mini-mart. Apparently, she was joking, but I didn't notice, because I TOOK OFF RUNNING into the field. I didn't get far, because the top of the snow had crusted over and although I had broken through the ice when I bounded into the snow, I was soon stuck in the snow up over my knees and couldn't get out because of the ice. I remember my companion laughing and getting out her camera to take photos. She helped me out of the ice/snow situation, then we went and got fruit pies at the mini-mart...

Me stuck in the snow

It was silly and we got a good laugh. I know that trying to run across a field wasn't very dignified (even if nobody was around), but in a weird way, it saved the day.

#5- DON'T SAY NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT YOUR COMPANION (EVEN IN LETTERS HOME)

This is a tough one. I think I was really lucky because while I did have companions who were very different than me (different styles or personalities, etc). We had our issues, but I didn't have any companions who I actually disliked (or who were disobedient to mission rules or refused to work). My husband had some issues like these with some of his companions. It's bound to happen sometimes. 

One thing that I really tried to do throughout my whole mission was not to complain about my companion in letters home, and NEVER to say anything negative about my companion to investigators & church members (this could really negatively impact their impression of the other missionary AND of me, which could affect the missionary work and the trust of the members)...and also NEVER speak negatively about my companion to other missionaries (more about this below).

Have you ever walked into a room and had the feeling that people were talking about you (and not in a good way?). Think about this...You are going to be with your companion 24/7. For at least several weeks, probably several months. You will do everything together. You will always be together. If they are saying negative things about you, you can tell, even if you don't actually hear it. The Spirit departs. If you are saying negative things about them (even in a letter home), they will be able to sense that something isn't right in the relationship. So unless it is serious enough that you need to bring it up in your "companionship inventory," just bite your tongue. So yes, I was annoyed at times and felt justified in complaining about certain things, but I really tried to keep it to myself. And I know I did my share of annoying things, too, so I know there must have been a lot of times my companions bit their tongues also.

Of course there are some exceptions, such as if your companion is in some sort of trouble or breaking mission rules and you've already tried to talk to them about it, then you would want to talk to your Mission President about your concerns. Some things are serious enough that you should talk to your Mission President anyhow, even if you have talked to your companion about the issue. The Missionary Handbook covers all of this and explains what is appropriate in these situations.

But in general, if its just stupid things that you want to complain about, like you hate the way your companion chews or that they keep saying, "like" every other word, just keep it to yourself. If you complain about your companion to other missionaries behind his/her back (say, at zone conference), your companion will probably sense it and (even worse) whatever  you said might get around the mission and eventually back to him/her later. Which would not exactly help your companionship or the work. You will feel happier if you just try to overlook faults and bad habits and try to focus on the positive. You probably don't want to hear this right now, but this sort of thing will be preparation for being married, because your spouse will have habits you don't like, either. Except that you are planning to be with your spouse forever, not just until the next transfer, so the stakes are higher! :)

Best of luck to you on your mission! 

5 THINGS you can MEMORIZE NOW that will help you at the MTC

                    

Back in the olden days, missionaries were expected to memorize WORD FOR WORD every missionary discussion (lesson). At that time, the expectation was that we would recite the discussion exactly as written when were were teaching. We were also expected to have all of the accompanying scriptures memorized as well. And we were also expected to teach the lessons in order. Even after 20+ years, my husband and I can still recite some of the old discussions (especially the old 1st discussion, which we used most often, of course). 

Things have changed since the introduction of Preach My Gospel in 2004, which is much less rigid and much more flexible teaching program (does not need to be recited word for word, you can teach principles of the lessons in different order depending on the needs of the people you are teaching, etc). The doctrine is the same, but the level of teaching is now closer to how the Savior teaches - tailoring the teaching to the specific needs of individuals. 

Even though you won't be expected to perfectly memorize a set of discussions word for word (like missionaries did for many years, up until 2004), missionaries still have certain things that they are expected to memorize. This may vary slightly by mission. I don't know that all of these things will be required in every mission, and there might be additional things (like scriptures or quotes) that you are expected to memorize ina specific mission (in the mission where I was baptized, the missionaries memorized a mission song). 

Here are my suggestions of things to memorize before your mission:

• The First Vision (see below for explanation)
• The Missionary Purpose
• The Standard of Truth
• Doctrine & Covenants section 4 (important - say the words Doctrine and Covenants, not the shortcut D&C)
• My Missionary Commission

You can memorize these anytime - like, now! Even if you haven't received your call or turned in your mission papers, it's never too early to memorize. Of course, you could wait until the MTC to start working on your memorization, but trust me, you'll be trying to learn so many things at once (plus, you'll be super tired)... so anything that you can memorize ahead of time is going to make things so much easier and less stressful for you. Also, many people have recommended memorizing these things especially if you will be learning a language, because you will memorizing some or all of these in your mission language and it is easier to learn them in a foreign language if you already know them in English. 

One of the most important of these to memorize is the "The First Vision" - see picture below -  which, as you will probably notice, is part of (not the entire text of) Joseph Smith History 1:16-17. This is a simplified version, which is word for word from the Joseph Smith History 1:16-17 but is not the entire text from both verses (its the end of 16 and part of 17). My daughter noticed this and asked me why the quote used in Preach My Gospel is only a portion of verses 16-17 (and why the rest of the story from the first vision isn't memorized).

First off, the other non-quoted parts of 16-17 are important, but to include those parts of those verses would require additional verses in order for it to make sense and it could be confusing to an investigator that is hearing about these events for the first time, and then the missionaries would have to get into explaining what those additional verses mean. That whole darkness/Satan aspect is important, but is not really relevant to the main idea that a missionary is trying to get across at that specific time - that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith. Remember, these are usually people who are hearing about this for the first time. It may be the first time that they are hearing about Prophets, Modern Revelation, that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father are two separate people, etc. It's a lot to take in. Missionaries need to try to keep to the central message.  

Second, you will absolutely be explaining the story of the first vision when you teach and will need to be familiar with the story. You will need to be familiar with the summary that you will be teaching to investigators (see Preach My Gospel Lesson 1 - The Message of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ - the "Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ through Joseph Smith" section). Be familiar with this section of Preach My Gospel and be prepared to explain this story in a natural but accurate way. You don't need to have the entire story from Joseph Smith History memorized, but you will be required to memorize word for word (and teach word for word) the shortened version of Joseph Smith 1:16-17 found in this section of Preach My Gospel in quotes (also on this printable here): 

 

So start memorizing, friends! Even if you decide not to serve a mission after all, it won't hurt you one bit to have these things memorized. I've created easy printables for each of these, to make them even more accessible for you.  

Best of luck to you! 

LDS MISSION PREP BUCKET LIST - free printable! - 25 things to do before you leave for your LDS Mission

Whether you are thinking about serving a full-time mission several years from now or you already have your mission call in hand, this Mission Prep "Bucket List" is filled with 25 SIMPLE WAYS that you can prepare to serve a full-time mission! 

Many of these things can be started while you are a youth, but you can continue (or start) any of them as a young adult as well. 

Feel free to print out this Mission Prep Bucket List on your printer (or have it printed as a 4x6 photo) - this free printable is totally free for anyone to use and share with friends (please link back to me if you post this anywhere and please do not reproduce this with the intention to sell it). We created this list as a free printable for anyone who wants some simple ideas for preparing for their LDS Mission, so we want to keep it free! 

Some of these things can be done in one day, but most of them will take a while. You may need to continue doing many of these right up until you actually leave for your mission. You can check off items as you complete them or have done well in establishing permanent habits!

For specific ideas on how to do these things, here are some tips:

• EXERCISE: See our blog post "Getting Fit for your LDS Mission" here

• SPEND MORE TIME AWAY FROM HOME: A former missionary companion of mine (my first companion/trainer) recommended this idea for preparing for a mission one the other day and it's a great idea. If you're used to staying around the house most of the time, you might have a harder time adjusting (emotionally) to being away from family/friends and being out in public pretty much all the time. Do volunteer work, get a part-time (or full-time) job, go to Mutual (for youth) or YSA activities (for adults), do team sports or dance, get involved in extracurriculars at school, do community theatre, take Parks & Recreation classes, go to college for a term, etc. If you are a youth, going to Scout Camp, Girls Camp, Youth Conference, EFY, etc are also ways to get used to being away from home. 

• DATE: This might seem like a strange suggestion...If you are going to be serving a full-time mission, it's best (in my opinion and experience) to avoid getting into a committed relationship. I've seen this become a problem for a lot of people (including my own husband). It's possible to be a totally focused and obedient missionary when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend back home, but it does make it more difficult for most people. And you don't want to worry about getting a "Dear John" letter (like my husband did!). Then why date at all? The purpose of dating as a youth isn't supposed to be romantic, though many youth are interested in romances. Follow the dating standards in For The Strength Of Youth (which is geared toward youth, but is applicable even if you are a single adult who isn't ready to get married because you will be serving a mission soon). FTSOY suggests casual dating in groups with a variety of people with the purpose of making friends, learning about and getting to know new people, and having wholesome fun. When you are ready to get married (say, after your mission if you decide to serve one), then dating should be more focused on finding a future companion for marriage. If you approach dating with those expectations and attitudes, you will be able to have fun making new friends without being distracted from your goals.  

• LEARN TO COOK: Learn to cook some basics. Don't worry about learning to cook a  bunch of fancy stuff, because you either won't have time, won't have the money, or won't be able to get the ingredients! See our blog post "2 Really Important Things to Start Doing NOW if you want to Survive EATING as an LDS Missionary" for tips about cooking here and our blog post "Missionary Recipe - Twice-Baked Potatoes" here

• IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH: See the "emotional health" section of the missionary page on lds.org here

• LEARN TO CLEAN: During your mission, you will be expected to clean your own apartment (you will probably have routine apartment checks conducted by the mission leaders) and you will even have cleaning service assignments when you're at the MTC...(our district was assigned bathrooms. I cleaned a LOT of toilets). I know it might sound silly, but you don't want to look like you've never cleaned anything in your life because you have no idea how to wash dishes or clean a toilet. And of course you will need to know how to do your own laundry (starting at the MTC), so figure that stuff out WAY ahead of time. Ask a relative for help, or find some tutorials on youtube or Pinterest. TIP #1- Some cleaning chemicals can't be mixed because they can create toxic chemical reactions, so know what kind of cleaners to use for different things, read the labels, and don't mix stuff together. TIP #2- Be careful with bleach because if it gets on anything (your clothes, towels, shower curtain, carpet, and even some surfaces like colored porcelain) it can permanently change the color. Guess how I know that! :) Only use bleach or cleaners with bleach in them if you know what you are doing.

• FULFILL CHURCH CALLINGS: Learn to keep your commitments and fulfill your assignments by following through on your responsibilities, such as church callings (including Ministering - formerly known as Home Teaching and Visiting Teaching)

• GET USED TO WALKING: Can you walk 6 miles or more a day? See our blog post "Getting Fit for your LDS Mission" here

• ATTEND COLLEGE: If you are able (financially) and the time-frame works out, you might be able to take some college classes (or even attend college full time) for a while before your mission. Some future missionaries attend for only one term, others might even be able to complete a degree or certificate before they leave for their mission. This is a good way to meet different kinds of people and improve your skills and education. Discuss time-frame with your Bishop and your parents.  

• GET USED TO BIKING: Can you bike 12 or more miles a day? If you don't have a bike, you could use an exercise bike to train! See our blog post "Getting Fit for your LDS Mission" here

• ATTEND THE TEMPLE: If you have a temple in your area, you can visit the grounds and/or visitors center. You may also be able to do baptisms for the dead. If you are endowed, you can do endowment sessions and maybe even be a temple worker. Consult with your Bishop about what is appropriate for you. If you don't have a temple nearby, don't worry - the most important thing for anyone (whether they can actually get to the temple or not) is to strive to be WORTHY to hold a current temple recommend. Everyone's situation is individual, so speak with your Bishop about qualifying for a limited-use temple recommend (for baptisms for the dead) or how you can prepare for a regular adult temple recommend. 

• DEVELOP SKIN CARE & HAIR CARE ROUTINES: You don't want to take a bunch of extra stuff you don't need on your mission (you don't have much room in your luggage), so start now to find a skincare and haircare routine that is simple, stream-lined, and works for you. I brought a lot of stuff with me (lotions, face cleaners, masks, etc) that I never used an ended up tossing out to make room for other things. Just bring what you need and what you know works. Figure it out now.

• ESTABLISH A HABIT OF SCRIPTURE STUDY: Missionaries study the gospel for hours every day. It's important. You can read Preach My Gospel and other things, but most importantly, get to know the scriptures. As a missionary, you are going to be testifying of the truthfulness of the scriptures. Know what they say! Start by reading the Book of Mormon...every. single. day.

• ATTEND MISSION PREP CLASS: Talk to your Bishop about Mission Prep classes in your area. In our Stake, any interested youth ages 16 & up are invited to attend the stake-wide Mission Prep class, along with young single adults who are planning to serve a mission. It might be different in your area, so check with your Bishop. 

• LEARN TO MEND CLOTHES: See our post "What you need (and don't need) in a Missionary Sewing Kit" here for information about missionary-related sewing & repairs

• ESTABLISH HABIT OF PRAYER: Get in the habit of praying when you wake up and before you go to sleep, whenever you eat, when you study, when you need help, etc. Try to practice praying as if you are speaking to a real person (because you ARE!) so that you don't get in a rut of just repeating the same thing every time.

• ATTEND SEMINARY: If you are a youth, attend seminary. I've heard that for some countries, attending seminary for a certain number of years can help you get permission for a Visa, because seminary is considered ministry training. 

• ATTEND INSTITUTE: If you are a young single adult, try to attend Institute classes! It's similar to seminary, but usually only once a week.

• WORK: Even if you don't need to save for your mission funds, please consider getting a part-time or full-time job so that you can get some of this important life experience before your mission. It is recommended that a missionary work to pay for at least part of their mission. It helps you to feel more "invested" in your mission. Have you ever saved up to buy something and then took really good care of it because you know how hard you worked? Have you ever seen a friend trash a bike, car, or other expensive item that they were given as a gift because they don't really understand it's cost? Besides giving you a sense of investment in your mission, having a job will help you learn about following directions, working hard, being responsible, and if your job involves customer service, you have to learn to be polite even when people are rude (and that can be a really helpful skill to have as a missionary). 

• GET USED TO TALKING TO PEOPLE: You don't have to walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation on the street, but use natural opportunities that you have in your everyday life to be a little more outgoing. If the cashier at the grocery store asks you how you are doing, don't just say "fine" - start a conversation with her! Ask how she is doing. or comment on the weather or something! When you meet your aunt's neighbor, show interest by asking her questions or paying her a compliment. The more you get used to talking to people you don't know, the better, because you will be doing this all day, every day as a missionary.

• ATTEND GOSPEL PRINCIPLES CLASS: This is an adult Sunday School class usually attended by new members, returning members, ward-missionaries, full-time missionaries, etc. Sometimes young adults who are preparing to go on a mission attend this class also. Youth should attend their regular youth Sunday School class until they are out of the youth programs. If you are a young single adult, check with your Bishop or Branch President to see if this is appropriate for you.

• LEARN TO GET STAINS OUT OF CLOTHES: See our blog post "5 Things you can MAKE NOW for your LDS Mission - even if your call hasn't arrived yet" here for information on stain removal

• MAKE MEMORIES: Do some fun things and don't forget to take photos so you can look back on your fun times - get together with family or friends and hike, go to a concert, go to the beach, etc.

• IMPROVE PHYSICAL HEALTH: See our blog post "Getting Fit for your LDS Mission" here

• ATTEND TEMPLE-PREP CLASS: Talk to your Bishop or Branch President about the timing of this (Kendall's Branch President said that they will talk about scheduling a Temple Prep class once she has submitted her mission papers)

Have fun! 

Should you RECONSIDER how often you WRITE TO your LDS MISSIONARY? - a guide for relatives, friends, and girlfriends/boyfriends

Since this specific blog post is not so much about mission-prep (and more about missionaries who are currently serving), we are now also featuring this post on our new companion blog - "Missionary Momming with the Overzealous Missionary Mom" which features tips & advice for relatives and friends of LDS missionaries who are currently serving in the field! 

CLICK HERE to see the new Missionary Momming blog!

Missionaries love to get letters from home! No big shocker there! So that means the more mail, the better...right? (well, maybe!)

I would have loved to get more mail than I did when I was a missionary and many missionaries feel the same way... Often, the amount of emails/letters coming to a missionary is pretty great in the beginning of their mission but starts to steadily taper off as the months go by.  Please write to the missionaries that you know - they love to hear from you and to get that boost of love and support from home.

However, it IS possible to over-do it, so we need to be careful about how often we write (and even what we say). In some cases, mail from home (physical letters or email) can actually be a problem for the missionary.

After reading this blog post, you might reconsider how often you send your missionary letters or emails. You may want to write your missionary more often, or you might even want to write your missionary less often...

Let me start by explaining a little bit about what mission life is like for a faithful and obedient missionary. Even if you know a lot about missionary work (have known many missionaries who have served or even served a mission yourself), please don't skip over this part... it's important!

An obedient missionary sacrifices aspects of his/her personal life to focus on the work. They will wait to see that new comic book movie that they've been really excited about, because going to the movies is against the mission rules. They may totally miss their best friends wedding because they are serving as a missionary. They may put their education or career on hold because they are a missionary. Most missionaries have worked and saved to pay for at least part of their own mission expenses. All of these things represent a personal sacrifice that they are making in order to serve the Lord. 

If you know anything much about missionaries, you know that personal sacrifice is part of the deal. A BIG part. This is how a missionary fully consecrates themselves - essentially, when they are set apart as a missionary, they are committing themselves fully to serving the Lord for the entire time they are serving. Naturally, they are still their own person with their own individuality, likes, and dislikes. Different missionaries may have very different approaches or styles. But one thing that obedient missionaries have in common is that they devote all of their time and their efforts to missionary service for 18 months or 2 years. 24/7. This is the only time in their whole life as a single adult that they aren't dating, going to school, working at a job, attending their own family events, competing in organized sports, and/or pursuing hobbies. All of those (perfectly normal) things are simply put aside during your mission so that they can out all of their focus and energy into missionary work.

The Missionary Handbook says, "Strive to fulfill what the President of the Church expects of you, as expressed in your call letter: 'You have been recommended as one worthy to represent the Lord as a minister of the restored gospel. You will be an official representative of the Church. As such, you will be expected to maintain the highest standards of conduct and appearance by keeping the commandments, living mission rules, and following the counsel of your mission president. You will also be expected to devote all your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs. As you do these things, the Lord will bless you and you will become an effective advocate and messenger of the truth.'

When you accepted your call, you promised to live by these standards. You are accountable to the Lord and to the leaders of the Church for how well you honor this promise. Always keep in mind the importance of your calling. Strive constantly to magnify it.

As you obey with a willing heart (see D&C 64:34), you will show the Lord your love for Him, earn the trust and confidence of members and nonmembers, and qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost (see John 14:15–17, 21; 1 Nephi 10:17; D&C 121:45–46)"

Obedience and sacrifice brings blessings.

As I talk about in my blog post, "Why isn't my missionary writing me longer letters? The AWFUL TRUTH about P-DAY - A guide for relatives, friends, and girlfriends/boyfriends of LDS missionaries,", there are rules that missionaries are asked to follow about corresponding with loved ones and friends back home. Just as the completion of other temporal things (like getting haircuts or cleaning the apartment) are reserved for "p-day" so that the missionaries can fully focus on missionary work the rest of the week, letter writing and emails are done on p-day. Missionaries can check their email and send emails (and/or write and send home letters) once a week during their p-day.

However, unless they are in a very remote area, missionaries do usually get some sort of regular physical mail delivery every day (if anyone has sent them a physical letter in an envelope through the postal service) and they are able to open any physical mail that they receive throughout the week. 

So that means that a missionary who receives only emails from friends/family will only get "mail" once a week, but a missionary who is also receiving physical letters in the regular mail could get (and open) mail several times during the week in addition to reading emails on p-day. This is why many missionaries request to get physical letters in the mail, even though it is much easier and cheaper for family/friends back home to just send an email. Plus, another benefit of getting a physical letter is that you can re-read it later, which you can't do with an email (unless you are able to print it out). 

The potential problem with being able to get physical letters in the mail every day, is that the missionary could be distracted by too-frequent letters. Here are the rules that accompany a missionary's correspondence (which is mostly emailing/letter writing, except for the 2x a year phone call home): 

THE RULES: According to the Missionary Handbook of Instructions ("Communicating with Family" section), this is what is appropriate for missionaries when it comes to emails/letters (I have added bold lettering to emphasize some phrases):

"Write to your family each week on preparation day. Limit correspondence with others..."

"Use e-mail only on preparation day. You may use computers in public places, such as libraries or appropriate businesses that offer Internet access. While using computers, always stay next to your companion so that you can see each other’s monitors. Do not use members’ computers. If you misuse e-mail or computers, you may lose the privilege of using e-mail"

"As your call letter states, you are 'expected to devote all your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs'." 

"Do not become preoccupied with communicating with family and friends"

This is a quote from my "Why Isn't my Missionary Writing Me Longer Letters?" post: 


"Notice that the Missionary Handbook says, "limit correspondence with others." There is a specific instruction that a missionary should write to their family weekly, but there is no specific instruction re: how often emails/letters should be written to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends. That's probably because #1- not everyone has the same situation, and #2- a missionary needs to use their brains and good judgement, and #3- again, they just don't have a lot of time to write. So if they only have time to send 1-2 short emails this week, friends (or even a girlfriend/boyfriend) might not make the cut. That won't be meant as an insult. They will sometimes need to make that tough choices like that.

Then how often should missionaries write (individual emails/letters) to friends or girlfriends/boyfriends? Once a week? Maybe, but thats how often they are instructed to write their family, and they are instructed to limit correspondence with others (non-family), so that implies that they would write to non-family less often than once a week. Maybe 2x a month? Once a month? Thats up to the individual missionary to decide. Just be aware that just because they CAN potentially send emails/letters on p-day, does not mean that they will/can write to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends every week, or even every month"

In our family we have a Primary-age child with some separation anxiety issues and in my blog post "Tips for Making Having a Missionary in the Field Easier for the Family Back Home", I talk about how we are helping all of the siblings prepare emotionally for their oldest sister's mission by discussing ahead of time what it will be like and how we can appropriately communicate with her during her mission. My daughter with the separation anxiety said, "I'm going to email Kendall 20 times a day and send her 10 letters in the mail every day." Her love and care for her sister and her desire to keep in touch with her is admirable, but I explained to her that (though her plans were innocent and well-intentioned) that we will need to come up with a modified plan that is more appropriate (perhaps in her situation, one weekly email, a physical letter every other week, and sending her occasional care packages).

I doubt that my future-missionary daughter would be distracted by colored pictures and stickers from her sister, even if she did get 10 envelopes a day (except that her companion might be jealous of the excessive amounts of mail!). But if she was experiencing problems with homesickness, a constant barrage of copious amounts of mail from home every day (plus the 140 weekly emails her sister was planning) could potentially hurt more than it helps. :)

There are many situations in which too much correspondence (or the wrong type of correspondence) could definately be problematic, no matter how well-intentioned... 

If a missionary is getting a lot of emails, but only reads them once a week on their p-day, the main problem there is going to be that they might not have enough time to read them all. Here is a math problem for you - If a hypothetical missionary gets 40 emails a week and only has 30 minutes of computer time to both read all of those emails and write emails back, how much time would they have to read each email? Well, to read that many emails, they could only spend 45 seconds reading each email, but thats still not taking into account the time needed to respond to the emails and write their main email to their family (which is the most important thing in most cases). If I were that missionary who got 40 emails and didn't have enough time to read them, I would likely just quickly skim them (or even skip some of them if they are all from the same person) because of lack of time. 

So it's a good idea to keep even emails to a reasonable minimum if you want your missionary to have the time to actually read them. And quality is better than quantity, meaning that a good well-thought short email is better than a rambling long email without substance. Parents are encouraged to write weekly (once a week), so it would make sense to me that friends and other relatives should write somewhat less often, or at least no more than the parents are asked to.

But like I mentioned before, a missionary can get/open/read physical mail (letters/packages) that they receive any day of the week, which can be a positive thing or a negative thing.

Here are some specific areas where too many physical (in the postal mail) letters from friends/family at home might be a problem:

HOMESICK

If a missionary is homesick (which pretty much every missionary experiences in some degree, but sometimes becomes a serious issue), you might think that more mail would be better. Maybe if your missionary is really down, getting an extra letter here and there could help boost them up (especially if the letter is really encouraging). Of course a missionary is always thrilled to hear from their friends/family, but if it is a constant stream of excessive mail ALL the time, that might make it harder for a missionary to focus on anything else. 

Imagine that your doctor has put you on a special strict diet for the next 6 days, but you can go back to eating whatever you want to on the 7th day. Every day you check the mail and every single day the whole mailbox is filled with colorful, delicious-looking coupon ads from fast-food places like Burger King and Pizza Hut. Would that make it harder for you to keep to your diet? How much easier would it be to only get an occasional ad, or even all of the ads at once on the 7th day? Of course, that's a silly analogy. Letters from home are good. Just don't over-do. You can use the guidelines discussed above as a guide, but also use the Spirit. We don't want to be make things more difficult, we want to help...the Spirit can help us understand when we are over-doing it (or under-doing it).

DISTRACTED BY ROMANCE BACK HOME

I know of a couple of situations where missionaries have had serious problems because a girlfriend back home was writing excessively (1 or more extremely long hand-written letters arriving in the mail every single day) or a friend or acquaintance from back home was hinting at romantic interest in their letters. I'm sure that these letters were meant well and were sent out of genuine desire to stay close to the missionary. But they were also sent (whether they realized it or not) out of...well...selfishness - without regard to how these letters (which were romantic in nature) were affecting the missionary. If you have a missionary that you love (romantically) and you want them to faithfully serve, you can help that happen OR you can make it more difficult for them. 

If I were a single person who had a boyfriend on a mission, I would not want him to look back on his mission as being difficult because he missed me so much. I would want him to look back on his mission as a faithful and obedient missionary who put aside his personal life for a time to put his whole energy into serving the people and serving the Lord. If you are writing more than is recommended or if your letters are romantic in nature, you may want to reconsider...Who are you helping? Who are you hurting? 

Is it ok for girlfriends/boyfriends to write to their missionary? Of course! Keep it missionary appropriate, supportive, and spiritual (if possible).

Here are some tips for what to write (and things to avoid) that anyone can use if they are writing to missionary (from my Jolly Rogers Young Women Blog here)

See the whole blog post here 

I created this free printable guide for my YW blog, you can read the whole post here 

Your letters are wanted and needed, but as family and friends back home, let's do our best to help our missionaries have a great mission!

Best of luck to you!