Why doesn't my MISSIONARY write me longer letters? (the AWFUL TRUTH about P-DAY)

P-DAY: the once-a-week "preparation day" when missionaries prepare for the upcoming week. The specific day of the week that a missionary has "p-day" can vary by mission, but the concept is the same. This is the day that you take care of most of the stuff that you don't have time to deal with when you're focusing on missionary work. 

Missionaries can read letters that they receive in the mail any day of the week, but they only use email (and write/send handwritten letters) on their p-day.

Do you wish you had more emails/letters from your missionary? Or wish you had longer emails/letters? Or maybe you'd prefer some emails/letters that are just for you (and not a mass-email to everyone they know?)

Today we're going to talk about why missionaries don't write more often (or don't write longer letters when they do write!), and how you can best deal with that.

Let's start by talking about the stressful craziness that is p-day...Even if you have served a mission yourself or have known many missionaries who have served, keep reading for a reminder of just what is involved in the shortest day of the week (for a missionary)!

Sometimes people mistakenly believe that p-day is a "day off". Wow, a day off it is SO NOT. That is the AWFUL TRUTH about p-day. It is usually the craziest, busiest day of the week. First off, missionaries are still required do the regular morning schedule of study (hours of personal and companion study), exercise, etc, even on p-day. While these things are important, when you think about everything that needs to be accomplished on a p-day and the limited time a missionary has to accomplish it, studying takes a big chunk of out of the day right off the bat.

What a lot of people don't realize, is that after their morning study/getting ready/exercise routine is completed, missionaries are generally expected to do all of the errands and chores for the week on their p-day. For non-missionaries, these sorts of things can be done any day or any time that we feel like it (or procrastinated for a few more days if we don't feel like it!). But a missionary must use their p-day to do laundry, cleaning the apartment, grocery shopping, mailing a package at the post office, reading/sending emails, haircuts, washing & vacuuming out the car, etc. That's right, all of those extra sort of things are reserved for p-day (preparation for the rest of the week, right?) so that they don't interfere with the regular missionary work that missionaries are doing all day, every single other day (even Sundays). Sometimes they may even have their transfer day, temple trips, or their district or zone meetings on their p-day - which leaves very little or no personal leisure time to speak of on those p-days. P-day is nothing like what most people would consider a "day off."

On a standard p-day, most missionaries have a fun activity planned for after their chores and everything are done (like a hike or volleyball with other missionaries). Doing something fun & recreational is important for a missionary's morale. It can be hard to work, work, work, all of the time. I am not a sportsy or outdoorsy person at all, but after serving as a missionary for a while, Even I was excited to play soccer or whatever was on the agenda. It's your one chance to do something different and get out and have some low-stress fun. Most weeks, we would try to get together with other missionaries for an activity (if we were in an area with other missionaries nearby). Even if we couldn't get together with other sets of missionaries, we would usually try to plan something fun for ourselves (like visiting a local museum or another type of tourist spot).

Now, if you are a missionary who has completed their studying, gotten ready, done all the chores and errands, and then you have an activity planned that will take 2-3 hours, you will still really need to watch the clock because p-day doesn't last the entire day. P-day is over after dinner time if they don't have a dinner appointment, or over AT dinner time if they have a dinner appointment. If they have a dinner appointment, they must arrive at that appointment in proselyting clothes (regular missionary clothes). Actually p-day is usually (sort of) over before dinner, because missionaries often have to head back to their apartment to shower and change and then travel to their evening appointments. So yes, whether you have a dinner appointment or not, the rest of your evening is back to regular missionary work. A missionary's "free time" is really, really short on p-days.

When I was a missionary, we had a slightly different daily schedule and didn't have dedicated time for exercising. So if you wanted to exercise as many of my companions did, we had to wake up even earlier in the morning to do it. Yikes. So tired. Recently the missionary schedule has been modified.

Here is an example of what a typical p-day schedule might look like (in 2018) if a set of missionaries had a p-day hike planned:

 -6:30am wake up, pray, exercise (30 min), get ready 
 -7:30am breakfast 
 -8:00am 1 hour of personal study 
 -9:00am 1 hour of companionship study 
  (If they are speaking a foreign language, they will then have an additional 30-60 minutes of   
  language study, so they wouldn't be able to start errands/chores until 10:30 or 11:00am) 
 -10:00am chores & errands, lunch 
 -1:00pm leave to meet the other missionaries for a hike 
 -1:30pm hike 
 -4:00pm arrive home to quickly shower & change for dinner 
 -4:30pm leave for dinner appointment 
 -5:00pm dinner appointment 
  (Regular missionary work for the rest of the day) 

Notice that the first 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours of p-day are scheduled the same as any other missionary day (getting ready, breakfast, exercise, & 2-3 hours of required study). So free time starts at 10am (or 11am), right? Wrong. As you can see in the example above, even though this is just a hypothetical example, there isn't a lot of time in the day that isn't tightly packed with all of the other things the missionaries still need to do. It's usually a super-busy schedule of (mostly) must-do's and other obligations, not exactly "free" time.

Yes, of course missionaries often try to super multitask on p-days, so that they are getting multiple things done at once. They will often be grocery shopping while their laundry is drying, handwriting letters while their companion is getting a haircut, or vacuuming the apartment while their companion is showering. Even so, there never seems to be enough time to get everything done on a p-day, and there is especially precious little time for writing letters to family and friends back home.

If you have been picturing your missionary goofing around and napping all p-day instead of writing you longer letters, you've likely got the wrong idea. It's sometimes hard for us *regular folk* (non-missionaries) to imagine, but missionaries don't get to just hop on their email whenever they feel like it or do their laundry and errands whenever they want to. They follow a specific schedule, and their personal time for letter-writing is pretty limited...especially if they have spotty access to a computer on p-days. They may have only a few minutes to use a computer at a library (or the internet may not be working, or the power may be out - these are frequent problems in some missions). 

PRIORITIES:
If a missionary is very limited in their email/letter-writing time (which they almost always are), what should be their priority when choosing who to write and how long to make that email/letter? If the missionary is very lucky, they may have received many emails/letters that week. Should they reply to them all? Should a missionary feel obligated to reply with a lengthy personalized response to every email/letter they receive? What if they have so many friends to write to that they must send many short emails/letters and don't have time to write a proper letter home to their family?

This is my personal feeling, but I feel that in most cases, a missionary's top letter-writing obligation is to their own immediate family (parents/siblings). Of course, there are circumstances (like being raised by Grandparents or an Aunt), but you know what I mean - the missionary's closest family.

Of course, friends (and girlfriends/boyfriends) want to hear from their missionary, too. There isn't anything wrong with writing to friends, too. But lets not make things more difficult for the missionary we care about by putting unrealistic expectations on them....

Over the years, I've heard of some friends back home getting upset that their missionary isn't writing them back often enough (or when they do they arent long enough letters). I hate to be that person, but in every instance I've ever heard of, the upset person is a girlfriend, platonic female friend, or a would-be girlfriend who expects more individual correspondence from a male missionary. Sorry ladies, I'm just calling it like I see it.

Some (not all) ladies (and gentlemen) can be....needy... and may have unrealistic expectations when it comes to how often they can expect to hear from their missionary (and how long that letter should be). Perhaps this is because they don't totally understand what being a missionary is like and what is required. No matter how sincerely you may care and how many missionaries you have known, if you haven't served a mission, you just can't completely understand what it is like to live as a missionary 24/7 (emotionally, physically, spiritually) week after week, month after month, year after year with this kind of physically demanding and emotionally challenging schedule. Guilt does not help.

THE RULES: According to the Missionary Handbook of Instructions ("Communicating with Family" section), this is what is appropriate for missionaries when it comes to emails/letters (I have added bold lettering to emphasize some phrases):

"Write to your family each week on preparation day. Limit correspondence with others..."

"Use e-mail only on preparation day. You may use computers in public places, such as libraries or appropriate businesses that offer Internet access. While using computers, always stay next to your companion so that you can see each other’s monitors. Do not use members’ computers. If you misuse e-mail or computers, you may lose the privilege of using e-mail"

"As your call letter states, you are 'expected to devote all your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs'." 

"Do not become preoccupied with communicating with family and friends"

If a missionary is not faithfully writing to their parent(s) every week, maybe they should feel guilty ;), but other relatives and friends (even girlfriends) shouldn't guilt-trip a missionary into writing more often (or longer letters). Trust me, if they had more free time, they would love to write more emails/letters. Ask any missionary! They simply do not have a lot of time for writing. It's not being mean, it's just reality.

This is why many missionaries often send a generic mass-email home to everyone (or send it to their mom and have mom send it out to everyone). It is much simpler and quicker to send one main email than to keep repeating themselves to a dozen or more individuals. Don't take it as an insult if you only get a general mass-email that they've sent to everyone they know. This might be the very best they can do. Sometimes I get emails from missionaries who have sent a group email that say something like "I don't have time to write, everything is fine, here are some photos" and I just laugh (and hope that they actually wrote something more substantial in a separate email to their parents) :) .

It might sound strange, but when I write to missionaries, I usually tell them to please NOT write me back. I ask them to use their valuable time to write their close relatives and close friends if they are able. Sometimes they write back anyhow, and sometimes they don't. And that's fine with me. Of course, if the missionary is someone close to you, you will probably want to hear from them (personally) at least occasionally....at least a FEW times.

Notice that the Missionary Handbook says, "limit correspondence with others." There is a specific instruction that a missionary should write to their family weekly, but there is no specific instruction re: how often emails/letters should be written to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends. That's probably because #1- not everyone has the same situation, and #2- a missionary needs to use their brains and good judgement, and #3- again, they just don't have a lot of time to write. So if they only have time to send 1-2 short emails this week, friends (or even a girlfriend/boyfriend) might not make the cut. That won't be meant as an insult. They will sometimes need to make that tough choices like that.

Then how often should missionaries write (individual emails/letters) to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends? Once a week? Maybe, but thats how often they are instructed to write their family, and they are instructed to limit correspondence with others (non-family), so that implies that they would write to non-family less often than once a week. Maybe 2x a month? Once a month? Thats up to the individual missionary to decide. Just be aware that just because they CAN potentially send emails/letters on p-day, does not mean that they will/can write to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends every week, or even every month.

YOU CAN EITHER HELP OR MAKE THINGS WORSE:
The way that a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend reacts to not getting the amount/length of letters that they want can have an effect on the missionary. Getting angry, pouting, complaining - those might seem like a way to get more email/letters, but putting emotional stress on a missionary because you want more doesn't help them cope with mission life. Can you imagine how much added stress that a missionary could feel if they are worried about being dumped by an angry girlfriend because they didn't get a chance to write a letter this week? Try to put their situation and their needs above your own. We want them to succeed and to have a happy missionary life as they serve the Lord.

Would you like to encourage your missionary to write individual email/letters to you? There are appropriate ways that you could make that request without a guilt-trip!

Here are a few examples of positive/supportive things to say to a missionary:

• "I would love to get a personal email/letter from you when you get the chance, but I know you're busy so don't worry, I will be patient!"
• "I will keep writing you every week, but I understand if you can't always write me back. Just write me when you can"
• "I get your weekly email from your Mom, so I am keeping up on everything you are doing. If you ever get a chance, send me an individual email sometime"

Missionaries sacrifice, and as a friend, relative, or girlfriend/boyfriend of a missionary, you also sacrifice in some ways. You give up being able to talk to your missionary as often as you would like to. It might not feel like the best thing for you, but you sacrifice because it is whats best for the missionary and for the missionary work. Do what you can to support your missionary by helping them keep the mission rules and helping them to stay positive.

Best of luck to you and your missionary!

Our pick : the BEST SKIRT for plus-sized ladies - a guide for future sister missionaries

Spoiler alert - Not every women wears a size 2! As we all know, women come in a wide range of size body types and wear a variety of clothes sizes. That's a great thing - we were all created differently. Wearing a certain size (whether large or small) doesn't make you better or worse than anyone else. A benefit of being a smaller size is that it is easier to find clothes in your size in regular clothin,,,,,g stores and at thrift shops. On the flip side of that, it can be difficult to find clothes that fit if you are in the "plus size" category (which can be anywhere from size 8 & up or size 14 & up, depending on who  you ask). Most stores have a smaller selection of clothing in the larger sizes. When I worked in a popular women's retail clothing chain after high school, I learned that with each shipment of new clothing, we would receive something like 10 of each item in each size (for example, 10 purple sweaters in small, 10 purple sweaters in medium, etc), but only 1 of each item in the larger sizes (1 purple sweater in XL, 1 purple sweater in 2x, etc). The reasoning for this was that "larger people don't buy as many clothes." Well, okay then!

Shopping for missionary appropriate clothes isn't always easy, but it can be especially hard to find modest, reasonably priced SKIRTS for plus-sized ladies! We don't live in Utah, so we don't have access to many stores with missionary-appropriate skirts that Kendall can actually try on before she buys. We've been researching like crazy and we've "field-tested" several brands. We have found Kendall's pick for BEST SKIRT!

On a recommendation from an RM friend, Kendall really wanted a lightweight knit skirt with pockets for her mission, so I did some looking on Amazon and found this - Stretch is Comfort Women’s Plus Size Midi Pocket Skirt that comes in sizes up to 3x. The reason we order a lot from Amazon is the free shipping (since we're Prime members) and they don't hassle us if we want to return something.

(I don't work for Amazon or represent the seller of this item. I am not receiving anything free for this post - this post is just my sincere opinion).

We ordered this skirt Stretch is Comfort Women’s Plus Size Midi Pocket Skirt in navy blue and we love it. By "we," I mean that we have both worn this skirt several times now. It is soft, stretchy material (rayon/spandex), so it will still be wearable if you gain or lose a little weight during your mission (common problem for missionaries). 

FIT: 

The skirt is roomy, but isn't too flared or tight anywhere, so it is actually flattering for fuller figures. There is no zipper and no buttons, it pulls-on (no elastic, the waist is just a band of the same stretchy material the skirt is made of). It is so hard to find skirts that are truly long enough without being TOO long. I am 5'4 and Kendall is almost 5'6" - and this skirt is a true "midi" length. The photo here is sort of at angle, so it looks like it might be calf-length, but it actually falls about 6 inches below the knee on me and about 4 inches below the knee on Kendall. It is long enough that we don't need to worry about coverage when we sit down or walk. Even if you are somewhat taller than us, I think this skirt would work for a lot of ladies.

OTHER FEATURES:  

Kendall's favorite feature (by far) is the pockets, which are inside (hidden inside the side seams). We have washed and dried this skirt several times and it still looks brand new.

COLORS: 

This skirt comes in black, navy blue, charcoal gray, mustard yellow, mauve, and brown. These are great basic colors for any sister missionary wardrobe. PS- Kendall is going with all solid skirts and printed shirts, as we discuss in our pos

Click here to go to our post about planning your mission clothes purchases & maximizing your outfit options here 

We loved the navy blue skirt so much, we have ordered 3 more of the same skirt in different colors... black, charcoal gray, and mustard yellow. We returned the mustard yellow skirt because the color of the skirt was yellow, but it was much more green toned than it looked in the photo (more like an under-ripe banana peel than the color of mustard). It's still a great skirt, it just wasn't a color that Kendall wanted. The other colors were just as expected.

SIZE: 

This skirt comes in 4 sizes- XL (14-16), 2X (18-20), and 3X (22-24). This skirt is generously sized and the material is very stretchy, so you might consider going down a size if you are close to being in-between sizes (i.e., if you normally wear a size 18, you might want to get an XL).

PRICE:

Current price for this skirt is $26.97 and free Prime shipping is available for Amazon Prime members. 

MISSION APPROPRIATE?:

I think this skirt would be appropriate for sisters in most LDS missions. The material is 95% rayon, 5% spandex. This might not be a great fabric for the most extremely hot/humid missions, so you may want to wait until you get your official mission call before you decide on a skirt like this. However, I think that this skirt would be great for MOST missions. I served my mission in Minnesota, where it is extremely cold in the winter and surprisingly hot & humid in the summer, and I would have worn these skirts year-round in that mission. But there ARE some missions that are extremely hot & humid, and not every item of clothing is going to work for every mission. Kendall and I really liked these skirts, so we bought several, knowing that if Kendall ends up being called to somewhere extremely hot/humid, I will be happy to keep them for myself!!! :)

5 TIPS to make a mission EASIER for the family back home

Most of the effort of missionary preparation is focused on the future missionary- mission prep and temple prep classes, interviews, medical and dental appointments, buying clothes, etc. But the missionaries aren't the only people affected by their decision to serve!

Most missionaries have a family back home, and often those families include siblings. Siblings (especially younger siblings or those with special needs) may have a lot of adjusting to do when their brother or sister leaves and doesn't come back for a long time. In some families, there might even be a new sibling born while the missionary is in the field. A nursery-aged little brother or sister might meet their returned-missionary sibling for the first time when they get come off the plane - it happens! (What an adjustment that would be for a little guy!)

One of our children experienced some fairly dramatic issues with separation anxiety after our oldest daughter started attending college. Even though Kendall still lived at home, she wasn't around very much anymore. Then she had a randomly-weird medical emergency during her freshman year...suddenly, this was all too much for one of her very sensitive young siblings. For the next few years, we dealt with a lot of hysterical crying and panic whenever Kendall would leave the house for any reason and even had to seek professional counseling to help her cope.

Knowing that Kendall is planning to serve a mission, I've been trying to carefully plan ways to help make this big transition easier for everyone - ESPECIALLY her younger siblings who may be anxious about the upcoming change...

Whether you've already had a lot of missionaries recently serving missions from your immediate (or extended) family, or if you (or your child) will be the first ever missionary in your family, your family will be affected when the family member they are used to having around isn't around anymore. But don't worry- there are lots of ways that you can make the transition easier for the whole family back home. And the good news is that we've got lots of great tips, and they're all FUN!

Missionary Countdowns, family photos, comfort items, and jewelry - whats NOT TO LIKE?

#1- MISSIONARY COUNTDOWN
Missionary countdowns are a classic way to make the long months & years seem easier! Anxious siblings (or anxious parents! LOL) can watch the days melt away as they watch the return of their missionary getting closer and closer every day... Countdowns are a great way to help make waiting for a missionary a little easier!

There are MANY different types of countdown calendars. Here is a very cool printable missionary countdown from our friends at FelixandFelicityShop on Etsy that will fit with any decor and will look great on a bulletin board or framed in a missionary command center (see tip #2). They are only $4.99 and can be printed in several sizes.

They have a 2-year version for Elders here:

And their new 18 month (1.5 year) version for Sisters here

#2- MISSIONARY COMMAND CENTER
Find some place in your home to dedicate to your missionary - Pre-mission photos, current photos, missionary items, recent letters, clock set to the time zone of their mission, mission maps, flags, missionary countdown, etc. This will help keep the memory of the missionary alive for younger siblings, but will also help everyone in the family keep the missionary in their thoughts. It's a really fun way to keep the missionary "in view", even though they are in a different state or country.

Here are a few examples:

Here is a slightly different type of display that was created for a family with a deployed military parent, but the same concept applies! I like the idea of having a drop-box for letters...

#3- PHOTOS
When you are taking missionary photos, include siblings in some of the photos and get some decent photos of the whole family a group. You don't have to pay for professional photography, just try to get some good shots of the family together. This will help younger siblings visualize the family as a group, even while their brother or sister is gone.

Here are some fun ideas for how to include family members in pre-mission photos:

I saw this idea on Etsy here, where they sell signs like this

Here is another idea that features the whole family, from Heartfelt Moments Photography

Here are several great family photo examples from Amber Vest Photography: 

#4- COMFORT ITEMS FOR CHILDREN
When one of our younger daughters started exhibiting symptoms of separation anxiety when Kendall started college, we tried several things. One of them was having a comfort item (I made a peg doll to look like Kendall). Missionary peg dolls made to look like your missionary could be find of fun to display while your missionary is serving, even if you don't have young children at home!

You can find the blank dolls at most major craft chains or online (I've purchased blanks on Etsy before). If you're new to painting peg dolls, here is a tutorial (this one is how to paint peg dolls to look like Disney Princesses, but you'll get the idea):

Painted peg doll tutorial from lilblueboo.com here 

If you are crafty, you can make these things for yourself, but I'm including links for some of the items I've seen on Etsy:

I saw these missionary peg dolls ($15 each) on Etsy here 

If you're REALLY crafty, you could try your hand at making a custom doll to look like your missionary. Or here is a link to purchase custom dolls:

I saw these custom missionary dolls ($55 each) here

Another comfort item that helped our daughter was to make a "while you're gone" book -

Link to the notimeforflashcards website for complete instructions here 

#5 - JEWELRY
Jewelry is a great idea because almost anyone back home can wear it - parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc. Jewelry can actually help you feel close to a missionary who is far away, but it also can be a great conversation starter because people will ask you about your unusual jewelry (so you can be a missionary too, as you explain where your daughter/son/grandchild/sibling is and what they are doing!)

There are many types of missionary or family themed jewelry that you can purchase or make, here are just a few examples that I found for sale on Etsy:

I saw this personalized missionary jewelry designed for family/loved ones back home ($46) on Etsy here

I saw this morse code "Sister" bracelet set (various sizes available, $30.41 for set of 2) on Etsy here.
Since there are 2 bracelets, your missionary could take one and someone back home could wear the other one, so have a sort of connection (you could also order more bracelets for more family members)

I saw this personalized missionary theme bracelet ($32) on Etsy here

Finally, I think that being upfront and honest about expectations is important ("While Kendall is a missionary, we won't be talking to her every day like we do now. But, she will email us and send us photos once a week and we can email her, too"). Not knowing what to expect can be the most stressful thing of all.

Whether you are a future missionary or a friend/relative of a future missionary, best of luck to you in your missionary preparations! 

What you NEED (and don't need) in a Missionary SEWING KIT

All full-time LDS missionaries need to pack a sewing kit...do you buy a pre-made kit? do you assemble your own kit from stuff you have around the house? do you even NEED a sewing kit? 

   

When looking for a sewing kit, we checked Amazon first. Seriously guys, we don't work for Amazon, I just prefer seeing a wide selection online (usually while watching Netflix), instead of driving around to 2 or 3 different stores to see if they have anything that will work. 

I found some decent looking sewing kits on Amazon for about $20, but I wasn't crazy about the price and there were a lot of items that I didn't think she would ever use, so we decided to wait. There is a wide range of sewing kits available online and in stores - you probably won't need a huge, elaborate sewing kit...but you also don't want to go TOO basic and not have what you need. 

Last time I was at Walmart, I thought I'd take a look to see if they had sewing kits. I've been to Walmart a million times, but I didn't remember ever seeing sewing kits. I wasn't sure where they would be - (probably the craft/sewing department?), but I checked the travel/luggage area on my way, just in case (nothing). Turns out, our local Walmart did have sewing kits- several simple types. One type of kit had a zippered case, the other was more of a hard plastic case. I looked them over and decided that the zippered case would be better. It was $5.00, so I bought it. Since then, I've seen basic sewing kits at several stores for between $5-$10 dollars. You don't need one that says "missionary" on it (like they sell at LDS bookstores and clothing stores), but if you really want one, go for it! 

We bought this sewing kit (in a zippered case) for $5 at Walmart and customized it

DO YOU REALLY NEED A SEWING KIT?
YES! Think about - If you are going to wear the same week's worth of clothes every day of your life for the next couple of years, what kind of repairs will you probably need to make on those clothes? Buttons get loose, fall off, or get lost. Hems (the bottom edge of pants, skirts/dresses, shirts) can start to become unstitched & hang down. You can get a rip in any item of clothing at any time (likely culprits are thorny bushes, bike chains, scraggly fences, dogs trying to bite you, etc). You MUST look professional and neat at all times. Missing buttons and rips are not professional. You will want to be prepared with supplies back at your apartment for any of these scenarios. 

WHAT DO I NEED IN MY KIT? 
When you have purchased your mission clothes, you can look at the items you've purchased (what colors they are, etc) and plan for what you might actually need in your own personalized sewing kit. That may sound lame and sewing kits might be the last thing you want to think about right now, but there is no point in taking a bunch of things you will never use. You are going to regret it if you arrive in the mission field without some things you really do need. So take a few minutes and make a plan! 

#1- THREAD 
If you are a future Elder who has purchased a navy blue suit and a gray suit, you will want to make sure that you have some gray and navy blue thread, plus a few other basic colors of thread like black. You will definitely also want white - for repairing or replacing buttons on dress shirts. You will probably need white thread the most - for sewing shirt buttons back on. You probably won't need a whole rainbow of different colors, but look at what you are bringing (including p-day clothes). If you have a red jacket, you might want red. But you may not need lime green or hot pink, unless you actually have clothes with those colors.

Same concept applies to future Sisters, though you will probably have a much wider range of thread color needs than Elders will. 

In my daughter's kit, we're including two extra bobbins (little wound up doodads of thread), one white, one black. These are usually used inside a sewing machine, but they have the exact same kind thread on them and they are conveniently pre-wound. You can buy a package of pre-wound bobbins the sewing section of any store.

#2- BUTTONS

For both Elders and Sisters, your clothes (suits, slacks, dress shirts, blouses, skirts, dresses, etc) may come with extra buttons when you purchase them (if they do, they are either in a little bag with the price tags or they might be sewn onto the tag inside (sometimes inside near the hem on dress shirts or pants). Don't toss these out! Save any buttons that come with your clothes and put them in your sewing kit. That way, if you lose a button, you'll already have a matching one ready to sew on. You might be able to buy new buttons in a store (if you have access), but you will have to buy a whole set when you only need one button (using more of your precious $). And sometimes if you lose a button, it's hard to find a replacement that matches exactly! During my mission I had to buy several sets of buttons because I couldn't find a replacement missing button for a dress that buttoned all the way down. It was cheaper to replace all of the buttons than to buy a new dress, but it still cost more than I could afford as a missionary! 

#3- SAFETY PINS 

Safety pins are great for temporary repairs, like holding a hem together until you can repair it properly. I used these a lot during my mission when I had a button-up blouse that was a little too low or would sort of gape open. Practice attaching the safety pin from the underside and try to only go through the lower layers of fabric (if possible) so that the pin doesn't show. It's good to have several different sizes. 

#4- MISC Other items that you'll want to have are: small scissors (if you don't already have a pair of scissors packed elsewhere), hem tape, sewing needles (several), and pins (to hold fabric in place while you are sewing).


PRE-MADE, CUSTOMIZED, OR MADE FROM SCRATCH?
We decided to go with a pre-made sewing kit and customize what was inside. If you want to totally make your own sewing kit from scratch, here is a good one form Missionary Mail blog:

Click here to link to the website with instructions

REMEMBER: 

Just as important as having the correct supplies is knowing how to use them. Make sure to practice threading a needle, sewing on a button, and doing a basic stitch before you go. If you don't have someone to teach you, you can find videos on youtube to help. 

Food & Dinner Appointments - A Guide for Future Missionaries

THAT TIME I PANICKED WHEN I HAD TO BUY GROCERIES-

When I arrived in my mission (Minnesota) straight out of the MTC, all of the new missionaries went to the mission home in Bloomington and stayed our first night in the field there. The next morning we were given our area assignments and traveled to our new areas in various places around the state. After traveling for several hours, I was picked up at the meeting place by my new companion/trainer and a member of the branch where I would be serving (who was driving us). We still had another hour to drive to get back to our area. Since we were in a larger city and there was no regular grocery store in the small town where our apartment was located, they took me straight to a large grocery store. I was instructed to purchase my groceries for the week.

I remember this part very clearly. Groceries? Nobody said anything about buying groceries. I mean, of course I knew that I would need to buy my own food (and I mean really buy my own food, because although each missionary in the mission at that time had their own ATM card to access their funds, new missionaries didn't get their cards for 2 weeks). I don't believe that I was ever told to bring cash for initial expenses (they do tell you that now), but luckily I did happen to have personal cash with me.

I looked up and down the grocery store aisle like some sort of alien with amnesia...as if I'd never purchased (or seen) food before. I had no idea what to buy. I had no plan at all. I couldn't believe how much I was failing at something so simple!

Wait a minute - I had gone to college! I had successfully lived on my own for several years. I had shopped for my own groceries before, many times. AND, I wasn't even serving in foreign mission- this was the type of grocery store and the kinds of food that I was very familiar with. Still, I wandered around like a crazy person, not having any idea what to buy. My companion and the ward member were looking at me strangely. "Oh no," I thought, "I wanted to make a good impression, but they don't think I'm even capable of picking out my own food!"

I didn't realize it at the time, but I'm pretty sure that I was having a panic attack. Everything was spinning. The more I told myself to get it together, the less I succeeded in getting it together. My companion tried to help suggest things for me, but it didn't help because I couldn't seem to think straight! I finally managed to get a few groceries in my cart (I believe I bought a box of cereal, a jug of milk, a can of refried beans, and a package of tortillas) and then cringed during the whole (long) drive to our apartment. This was not the impression I had wanted to make. 

Depending on which mission you go to, you could have a different food buying experience. In some missions, all meals are included as part of the deal with your apartment. Or you may live in an apartment that is part of a family home and you may eat certain meals with them on a daily basis. In many missions, you prepare your own breakfast and lunch, and then dinners may be provided by ward members or others who volunteer to feed the missionaries in their homes. Some countries have lunch as their main meal, so you could have your meals with members at that time instead. 

Church members are asked to help feed the missionaries because it keeps the missionary's  costs down, but it also helps the members become more familiar with the missionaries (and helps missionaries to get referrals). Depending on your area, you may have dinner appointments as often as every day OR almost never. This affects you as a missionary, because the less you are being fed, the more you will have to cook/buy food for yourself. We were very excited to have a dinner appointment when we had one. It was always nice to have a meal made for us (that we didn't have to buy). Things sometimes got pretty ugly when we had to make all of our own meals every day. We'd often be running out of food or be really sick of eating the same thing 3x a day when that's all we could afford.

Missionaries get a certain amount of money for food (AND other expenses like shampoo and toilet paper) per month, and you don't get more money when you don't have many dinner appointments. So the same amount of money you would normally use to buy breakfast and lunches for the week/month in an area where you have dinner appointments every night will be the same amount of money that you will have when you transfer to a new area where they only have dinner appointments once a week. PS- Feed the missionaries in your ward at home, if you can! When you've been a missionary, you will appreciate it. Returned missionaries (RMs) are great a feeding the missionaries because we remember what it is like not to have them! :) 

The struggle is real! Here I am, posing with our kitchen cabinets (I think the only things edible in the photo are pasta noodles and peanut butter. There might be a small can of canned ham or something there, too. Most of the stuff in this cabinet are vitamins, cupcake liners, etc). This was in an area where we only had dinner appointments once a month or so, and it was getting close to our next MSF deposit (i.e., we were waiting to be able to be more groceries).

In this photo, one of my companions is posing with our before and after meals. We were running low on food and money (and dinner appointments). Someone (bless their heart) had given us a package of noodle-roni mix. We didn't have any ground beef or butter, so I couldn't really follow the directions. I made some sort of concoction with whatever I could find (including some ancient canned green beans that we found in the cabinet). It was so depressing and unappetizing, we couldn't even eat it. I think we just put it in the fridge and went to sleep without eating. The next day was our MSF day (the day we got our money to buy food, etc). It had been so long since we'd eaten anything fresh, we bought oranges and strawberries. When we came home with our groceries, we laughed about the concoction I'd made the night before and took this photo.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PREPARE FOR EATING AS A MISSIONARY? HERE ARE MY 3 TIPS: 

PREVENTING FIRST-AREA GROCERY STORE PANIC-
To prevent a panic (like I had!) when you first arrive in your first area, have a general plan of what you will buy if you are taken to a grocery store on your first day. This situation might not come up for you - depending on the situation, time of day, and day of the week, you might not be able to go to purchase food for several days. There may be food in the apartment for you to eat already, meals may be provided, or your companion may share with you. But just in case, have a general plan. Even if its just eating peanut butter & jelly sandwiches for the first week, at least you will have a plan for something to eat and you will have bought yourself time to come up with a better shopping list for the next week :) 

EATING THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE-
No matter where you serve a full-time mission, you are going to encounter situations where there are foods that you don't like or would prefer not to eat for other reasons (sketchy preparation, etc)....yes, even in the United States! You are probably going to have dinner appointments where you will be expected to be polite and eat whatever is offered. There are things that you can do to prepare for this situation without being rude. I have written an entire blog post on this topic - See my post "2 REALLY Important Things to START DOING right NOW if you want to SURVIVE EATING when you're an LDS MISSIONARY" by clicking here.

COOKING AS A MISSIONARY-
You probably won't be served every meal that you eat, so you will need to know how to cook a few things, at least. If you're used to convinence foods or are used to preparing a few dishes that rely heavily on ingredients that are available in your hometown (but are not available in China or Russia, or wherever you serve!), that is going to be a problem. The blog post I mentioned in the previous paragraph also has information about how to learn to cook some basics that will work for your specific mission...here is the link again to that post. 

We also have a section on this blog of missionary tested recipes (all tested and rated for difficulty and deliciousness by my future missionary daughter), including:

twice-baked potatoes (click here) 

and creamy pesto-pasta (click here) 

There is no way to know what types of foods and cooking methods will be available/reasonable for your mission until you get your mission call, but having some basic cooking skills will help you feel more confident, no matter where you serve.

Best of luck to you in your future missionary food endeavors! Crazy food stories make some of the best mission stories!

5 Things Future Missionaries Should Know About WISDOM TOOTH REMOVAL

Pre-op Kendall

This week our daughter Kendall had her wisdom teeth removed! Another item checked off of our pre-mission to-do list! Hooray!

Here is Kendall post-op (she thinks she's smiling, but its more of a grimace), about 4 hours after having her wisdom teeth removed. She's modeling a DIY ice-pack made from tube socks. There is a link to the directions at the bottom of this post!)

I am not a dental professional, but I do have some general tips that might be helpful (based on our experiences)... You should always seek professional medical and dental advice that is applicable to your specific situation.

Here are 5 things that future LDS Missionaries should know 
about Wisdom Teeth!

#1- Not everyone needs to have their wisdom teeth removed before their mission (or at all)

Most people need to have at least one wisdom tooth removed. Some people don't have wisdom teeth - they just never get them! Or some people only get 1, or 2, or 3. It may seem strange, but wisdom teeth are kind of random. But if you are like many people, you will have 4 wisdom teeth start coming in sometime in your teens (or even as late as your 20's). Whether or not they need to be removed depends on the size of your mouth and a bunch of other factors. You won't be able to tell on your own whether or not (and when) you will need wisdom teeth removed, thats a call that is made by professionals! Check with your regular dentist to see if you are a candidate for wisdom tooth removal. An x-ray will be able to show them whats going on inside your gums and you may or may not be referred out to a specialist.


#2- Sooner is better, if possible

We (I) wanted my daughter to have her wisdom teeth removed as soon as possible, because you know
 me - I want to be prepared and we didn't want to have to hassle with it right before her mission. Several years ago she started having pain where all of her wisdom teeth are, so at the next dental appointment we asked about having them removed....they did x-rays and found out that the wisdom teeth hadn't even solidified yet - they were still "jelly". (That's some painful jelly!) They said that they couldn't remove the teeth until they solidified. She was about 16 at the time, so we had them re-check the wisdom teeth every time she went in for her regular cleanings, hoping that they would be formed. It took several years. At her most recent check-up 6 months ago, the wisdom teeth had finally formed and the referral was made...

Now, admittedly, we were planning WAY ahead for her mission, but I was still sort of stressed out about how long it was taking and what a hassle it was. I was legitimately worried at times that she would have to delay her mission because we might not be able to get the surgery done before her
(planned) availability date)...we were told that she might be able to have the surgery until summer and depending on whether they would need to do some additional procedures (because the wisdom teeth were up in the sinus cavities), there might be several months worth of follow-up appointments involved. This had the potential of delaying the date she could submit her papers by several months. 

It took 2 months to get scheduled for an initial appointment (consultation). 2 MONTHS - No, not 2 months until the appointment....2 months between when our dentist had referred us for the procedure and when we were approved to schedule the first appointment. We then waited months for the consultation appointment, and the for the pre-op appointment (the week before the surgery) and then of course she finally had the actual surgery this week.  

We had to travel to an oral surgeon in another city 1 1/2 hours each way (sometimes 3 hours each way if it was a high traffic time). So for the initial visit, pre-op visit, surgery, and the post-op visit (and thats just the basics required by this provider, assuming there aren't any complications), we did a lot of driving and we weren't given any choices for day/time, so she missed a lot of school. 

We had an unbelievably hard time getting these appointments scheduled and waited a very long time to get this procedure done, and we have excellent dental coverage through my husband's employer (a major medical/dental health insurance and care provider). Part of the problem was that they have recently changed how they handle outside referrals, and since they don't have a local provider who could handle the procedure, we had to travel and wait longer.  It took us about 6 months from when her wisdom teeth were identified as "solid enough" until the day they were taken out. And that was with us pushing to try to get it done ASAP. I am sure that not everyone will have such a hassle, but I mention all of this because it isn't always easy to just get in and get those wisdom teeth out. It took SO much longer than I thought it would to get our daughter's wisdom teeth finally taken out...I would be so stressed out if we had waited longer to start the process... We still have several months left until she can submit her mission papers, but if we had put off starting the process until closer to her availability date, it could have really caused a delay.

If you don't have dental coverage (or your insurance doesn't cover any or enough of the procedure), you may also have financial concerns about getting your wisdom teeth removed. It isn't cheap. Dental/medical offices are well aware of this problem, and they regularly offer payment plans and may even have assistance programs to help. Don't feel embarrassed if this is the case for you - like I said, most people have to get at least one wisdom tooth removed (usually more) and not everyone has dental insurance (or good dental insurance), so this is a common thing. Talk to the billing department about options that may be available for you. The best case scenario will always be having PLENTY of time to prepare (i.e., don't show up at your dentist office the day you want them to sign your mission papers and say "I don't have insurance but I need my wisdom teeth out, like today." If they have a payment plan or something like that, you will want to -and need to - plan ahead, my friend)

As always, if there is anything (such as a financial concern) that is preventing you from moving forward in serving a mission, your best resource for counsel is always your Bishop. Let him know you are having difficulties and he may have some helpful suggestions for you.

#3- You don't want to have your wisdom teeth come in during your mission - trust me

Many years ago, a certain missionary (me), got her mission papers signed by a dentist who thought that I'd probably be okay with not having my wisdom teeth taken out before I left. Whew! Great news! Except that my wisdom teeth started coming in (with a vengeance) while I was in my 4th area (I think about 10-11 months into my mission). I ended up needing to have them removed during my mission. My companions (I had two at the time) and I missed a lot of days of work and I was in pain for a long time (before and after). Looking back now, I'm surprised that I wasn't sent home because of this. This is why they want your wisdom teeth out before you go. You work so hard and sacrifice so much to get out there in the field, you don't want anything messing it up if you can prevent it by taking care of things like this ahead of time. Missing days of work doesn't just affect you, it affects your companions, your investigators, and the ward/branch where you are serving.

This is one of my mission companions and I (I'm on the right), a few days after having my wisdom teeth removed

#4- It's usually not that big of a deal

It's a hassle to have wisdom teeth taken out, whether you have some sort of a local anesthetic (like I did) or you have to be fully sedated (like my daughter was). My daughter was very nervous about the surgery, but she was joking in the pre-op room and woke up in the post-op wondering if they had done the surgery yet. You're out of it for the surgery (to various degrees), and you don't do anything but lie there. It's the after-care that is sort of a hassle (endless rounds of gauze-changing, rinsing, various medications (Kendall has 5 different kinds of prescriptions on different schedules), icing your face for certain intervals, sitting upright for a certain number of days, etc. But you're soon over it and you'll back to normal-ish in a couple of days. It can take longer, depending on what procedures are done and whether or not you have any complications (like dry-socket) afterward.

Kendall had a more extensive than normal procedure, so it was about 6 days before she was able to function semi-normally (could pass for back to normal, swelling about 50% gone and able to go to school but still couldn't drive because of the pain meds) and then finally about 9 days after the surgery she was totally back to herself - swelling mostly gone, off the pain meds, and able to drive herself to school, etc.

#5- Take it as an opportunity to practice being a missionary

As I mentioned before, a certain full-time missionary (me) got her wisdom teeth removed during her mission, so she went into the procedure literally wearing her name tag. I vividly remember the nurse that was inserting the IV asking me about what missionaries do (clearly just trying to distract me from the IV situation, but I was not going to let that opportunity pass me by!). My mouth was already numb, but I proceeded to enthusiastically explain exactly what missionaries do - including what I'm sure was a very garbled but heart-felt re-telling of Joseph Smith's first vision. The next thing I remember was my companions were trying to escort me out into the waiting room and then out to our car. I was very upset by this, because even though the procedure was over, I seemed to think that they hadn't done the procedure yet! As they tried to guide me down the hallway, I kept trying to swat their arms away and tried to refuse to leave. Come on guys- I was right in the middle of teaching a first discussion!!! LOL

You don't have to be a full-time missionary to use getting your wisdom teeth out as an opportunity to gain some missionary skills. Getting your wisdom teeth out (or any other dental or medical procedure)  helps you gain 2 skills that you will NEED for your full-time mission: #1- Doing things you don't want to do. This is TOPS for mission prep, in my book! You are going to have to do things you don't want to do as a missionary (such as talking to someone who is super intimidating, being in awkward situations, having awkward conversations with people, eating foods you don't want to, keeping up a positive attitude even when people are being mean to you, dealing with members who aren't doing things the way you think they should, dealing with companions or other missionaries who aren't following the rules, etc etc etc).  It could be any of those things or a million other things, you will have to deal with things you don't want to deal with. It's part of missionary work. And you will need to get used to that. So consider this practice. If you need to get your wisdom teeth out, just "man up" and do it....AND #2- Taking responsibility for yourself. Get the medical/dental care that you need. Make sure that you are prepared for the post-op stuff (you have jello and applesauce and ice-packs) and follow the doctor's orders. Of course your parents or roommates can help you out as needed, thats great, but be pro-active about making sure that everything is taken care of ahead of time. Be as self-reliant as you can in your situation. It's part of becoming an adult.

Here is that double-ice pack photo again! 

TIPS THAT CAN HELP YOU FEEL BETTER AFTERWARD:
If you end up needing to have your wisdom teeth removed, you may need to ice your face for a certain period of time (follow your dentist's instructions for how long). If so, here is something that might help - we made 2 of these double ice-packs (as seen on Kendall above). Click below to link to the website with directions. We made 2 because we could keep one ready in the freezer while the other was being used. You can open it up and replace the ice-packs in the same socks with cold packs, but that seemed like a lot more work than just making two complete sets of them and rotating the whole things in and out of the freezer...

Click here to link to the directions for making these double ice packs

In general, you don't want to drink anything with a straw for a while and you won't really be able to chew for a while, even after you fell better. (Even after 12 days, Kendall can still only chew very soft foods like chicken salad and well-cooked pasta). Kendall was also told not to eat anything cold or hot/warm for the first few days (everything had to be room temp). You might get different instructions for your situation. You will definitely want to follow your doctor's instructions re: when you can start eating certain foods, but if you need some ideas for foods that you may be able to eat after your surgery, here is a list that we came up with:

It might seem fun to eat jello and ice cream all the time, but both Kendall and I noticed that we got really tired of eating only sweets after the first day or so, so be sure that you have lots of savory options available to eat. When you're on an all jello & applesauce diet, it starts to sort of feel like you can't eat anything "real" because you can't chew and everything is really sweet. For Kendall, she was really craving meat after a week, but still couldn't eat much, so savory things like mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, and refried beans were favorites (after the first few days).

Best of luck to you!